More Love

My birthday weekend was pretty awesome. I’ll write more when I get the pictures up, which will probably be a long time since I’m still working at 7am and have rehearsals for my show, that opens on WEDNESDAY!! I took off work on Friday, but I hope to go skiing. That would be so much fun.

Anyway, a quick story about my work Christmas party on Friday night. They do a raffle. There were some reeeeally nice prizes, like a weekend in Chicago or a $500 Midwest Airlines certificate. I didn’t win those, though I would have liked it. I can’t really complain though, because my name was drawn and I did win something. It’s sitting here at my desk with me.

OMGZZZZ!!!! I own a Wii and a Kitchen Aid mixer? How will I ever manage my time? I am about to become housebound and really fat. Oh wait, I can buy a Wii Fit!

Oh Dear Blog

I haven’t forgotten about you. But apparently it has been so long that wordpress has changed its format yet again. It is not for lack of material to share, but lack of time.

I have some incredible recipes to share. Even some that can’t be found on the internets! I could talk about Thanksgiving or the fantastic weekend that followed. I could talk about the play that I’m in or about how tough work is.

If only there was time.

This month my weekdays will go like this:
5:45: Wake up
6:30: Leave the house
7:00: Start work
4:00: Leave work
5:00: Make dinner
6:00: Leave for rehearsal
9:30: Get home and collapse into bed and try to fall asleep immediately

Weekends will be full of shows or parties, which are fun, but I could barely find time to celebrate my own birthday. Woe is me.

I did get paid today and my paycheck included a bit of overtime, so that was nice.

I’m glad that gas has lowered in price because coffee just became an almost daily necessity.

Hopefully I can find some time to upload pictures and share my yummy holiday recipes so far. Because they were delicious.

In the meantime… 6 DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY!!

Dreams

First off, I’m not going to forget to do this. I was given my second blog award (I am totally lame and forgot to blog about the first one) by Ginesa.

I have to thank her, because if anyone’s blog is encouraging, it’s hers! We found each other, thanks to the internets, and have enjoyed cheering each other on in our weight loss journeys. She is doing GREAT! Not only is she losing weight, but she’s training for a race and doing a kickass job on her runs. Plus she has an adorable daughter who just turned one, and posts pictures often. Yay babies!!

Okay, now that I have remembered to write about that…

I had a dream a couple months ago about a bakery. I’m unclear as to whether I owned it, or was just a customer. It could best be described as a dessert bar. It was decked out in black and pink and had a modern, yet whimsical and a not-too-girly feeling to it. Kind Alice-in-Wonderland-ish. It was in a part of town that was part nightlife/part college area. Although it happened to look just like this street of gay bars that I visited in Thailand.

There were big comfy couches and booths where groups of young adults picked off large trays of gourmet goodies. Fancy versions of youthful desserts like Oreos, Oatmeal Creme Pies, Twinkies, and other treats like cookies and cupcakes. It was like a cafe, where people could come in, hang out, study, work, chat, and eat delicious desserts. Or they could place orders to go. It was cool. And it was open late.

I awoke with the insane urge to open this place.

A couple days after this dream, a coworker talked to me about a thought she had about opening a “Wonka Bar.” She had just seem us perform in “Willy Wonka” and had this idea of opening a bar that served candy-themed drinks. It fit in perfectly with my dessert bar idea. It could be called the “Candy Bar” and could serve all kinds of delicious desserts along with yummy drinks.

Just a couple weeks ago, after dinner with my dad and sister for her 13th birthday, we wanted to go get dessert. I racked my brain for places to get dessert, near downtown. We had just come from a restaurant. We didn’t want to go into another one just to order dessert. Kopp’s custard was far away. We didn’t want to go to a grocery store to get cupcakes and eat them in the car. We settled for gelato from Whole Foods. But eating gelato in a car on the way home was not the perfect way to end the night (though close, because Whole Foods’ gelato is yummy).

I started thinking, does Milwaukee really not have a cool place to go get dessert? Shouldn’t we have one? We have plenty of awesome bakeries, but those require planning and forethought. What if I want to GO OUT for dessert, at 9:00 at night? The closest thing I can think of is at the InterContinental, where you can order up some chocolate truffles or petit fours at $2 a pop. Good, but not quite what I’m looking for.

So now I’ve had this thought, this dream, of opening up a “dessert bar” in Milwaukee. I’m not the best baker, but I would learn. I’m pretty good, and if I had the time, I think I could develop quite a nice talent. But running a bakery? I don’t know… It sounds like a good idea sometimes, but then I think about all the potential problems.

How would I get started? Where would I find money/space? Would I be able to sell stuff? What about equipment? What about health insurance? What about health codes and regulations? What about the potential of financial ruin? What if no one thinks it’s as cool as I do? And so on…

I keep thinking about working towards it, though. Maybe devote my weekends to baking. Learning about it and trying out new recipes. I have a couple friends who own theatres. Maybe they would let me sell some treats on show nights. Maybe I could develop a small following. Maybe I could start a by-order-only business, and then hope for it to grow. Maybe… what if… what about…

I don’t feel like I’m cut out for the 8-5 job that I’m in right now. My creativity is stifeled. I need more. I want more. I deserve more. I wish I could jump into this RIGHT NOW. But I have to step back and think. Maybe I can go to MATC and get my associates business degree. I hear that gives you some good entrepreneurial information, and it wouldn’t take half a lifetime to finish. Maybe in five years, I can really start something. Or maybe in five years I’ll think it’s even more foolish than I do now.

And it’s time for my favorite Disney quote. Belle, from Beauty and the Beast sings,

“I want adventure in the great wide somewhere; I want it more than I can tell. And for once it might be grand to have someone understand, I want so much more than they’ve got planned.”

Road Trip!

Today, after work, I’m picking up my little sister and we’re road tripping to Eau Claire to visit my sister Samantha. While I’m not looking forward to the four hour drive, I am looking forward to hanging out with my sisters all weekend!

I’m not sure yet what we’ll do on Saturday. We’ll either go “floating” on the Chippewa River, which apparently is simply floating down the river in an inner tube. If it’s not too cold, that would be really fun. If it is too chilly, we’ll probably go to the Mall of America, as Minneapolis is only a short drive away. That would be so much fun! I’m trying to pass the interminable hours at work by browsing the mall directory. I don’t have that much money to spend, but shopping with my sisters is something I haven’t done in ages. Plus, they have Bloomingdales, which I love.

I’ll never forget my first experience with Bloomingdale’s. My dad took me to New York after my junior year of high school, I think in August of 2002. He was going on a business trip, and I got to go with. I was SO thrilled. He gave me his cell phone, and a map, and set me loose on the city. What an adventure! He had meetings the whole first day, and I was on my own. I saw Jane Curtin in a matinee of Noises Off and bought us tickets to see Phantom of the Opera that night. I stepped foot in my first Sephora, and marvelled in the gloriousness of Times Square.

The next day, we went to Bloomingdales, where I spent 5 hours on ONE of the 9 floors. I tried on so many beautiful clothes, with labels that I had only read about in magazines. My dad was floored by the prices, but I somehow convinced him to buy me a beautiful Anna Sui blouse that ran well over $100. It was incredible. It threw me into a full blown love affair with the Big Apple. Maybe it’s silly to have those kinds of memories tied up in a department store, but I can’t help it. Everytime I think of Bloomingdales, those memories with my dad are not far behind.

I’ll have to find pictures of that trip and talk about all the fun I’ve had in NYC over the years. The shoes, the shopping, the shows… Oh, and can I mention that on that trip I saw Molly Ringwald and John Stamos perform in Cabaret, one of my most favorite musicals? ‘Cause I did. And I saw John Stamos’ butt (he was the Emcee). Yes, it was fantastic (the show and the butt).

Is it 5:00 yet?!

What Is Important

On this, the SEVEN year anniversary of the attack that brought down the twin towers, I can’t help but feel a little different. I can’t help but think about what I’m doing and what is truly important to me.

Also, I still can’t think about that day without losing my breath and tears forming in my eyes. I didn’t know anyone who was injured, or worse, that day, but my heart just breaks for those who were, and the families that are still reeling from the events.

I don’t think I’ll ever forget where I was when I found out, or how that day felt. I remember watching the coverage in the evening, sitting alone at the kitchen table, trying to do my math homework. I remember my mom keeping my (then 6-year old) little sister in the den, with the TV on PBS, because they were running the normal after-school cartoons. I remember feeling lucky and grateful that my dad’s flight to New York City was scheduled to leave at around noon that day, rather than the early morning flights he was usually on. I remember crying, a lot.

I could go on and on, but I won’t. If anything can be gained from this, let it be that the empathy and spirit of Americans can continue, and we can save and use the best parts of ourselves from those days. Patriotism is not liberal or conservative and neither is compassion. It’s human.

Confronted with our mortality, what is important to us? If we were to die tomorrow, would we be happy with what we’ve done and what we have?

I know that I am not ready to leave this earth. I still have a lot of life to live and a lot to figure out, but I do know that I feel confident in what I’m trying to do and where my priorities are.

1. Love
   It wasn’t hard for me to realize that love is the single most important thing to me. And because of this, I am SO happy and SO grateful that I have the most amazing person to love, and to love me back. As long as I have that, life can never be too terrible.
2. Family
   My family is extremely important to me. I’m so happy that we’re all so close. As I grow, I feel their love and support behind me even more. I’m not totally and completely 100% sold on having a family of my own. But I think I will, and the idea really excites me.
3. Career
   Here’s where I’m stuck. I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up! I was foolish for not finishing college when the opportunity was practically handed to me on a silver platter. As a result, I sometimes feel hopeless. I have a good, steady job that pays the bills, but it’s not where I see myself forever. But I don’t know where I see myself forever. I love theater, but am slowly coming to terms with the fact that I’m just not good enough to make a living of it out there. That hurts, but I have to be honest and realistic. I love photography and I love baking, but I don’t think I know enough about either to run with the idea at this point in time. Going back to school for a degree in business would be the easiest option, but all I can do with that degree would be to hope to end up somewhere, and doing something, that I love. At 23, I know I have plenty of time to figure things out, but I’m frustrated in not having any great ideas at the moment.
4. Money
   Let’s face it, money is important to most people. I can’t live without money. I would like to have more money. I would like to be able to pay off my debt and go to college and travel and have a wedding and a house and kids… but I would not trade money for any of the first three items on my list, and especially not the first two. As long as I have those, I know I’ll be okay.
5. Cake
   While not a traditional basic need, as long as there is cake in this world, there is good in this world. I speak the truth.

If anything else is gained from the memory of this date, I hope it is that everyone can be reminded of what really matters.

Retail Therapy

I was a mess by the time I left work yesterday. I was tired and cranky and stressed out. David and I stopped by Target after work to pick up a birthday present for my little sister, who turns 13 TODAY!!! David was nice enough to be patient while I looked through clothing (and found NOTHING worth trying on) and shoes. Oh, shoes.

It’s been a while since I’ve bought Target shoes, because the quality is really not there. Sometimes they look nice, but they’re either uncomfortable or unflattering once they’re on your feet. I have big feet, and when a shoe can make it look small and dainty, I will pull out my credit card on the spot. There were several shoes I tried on that made my feet look like elephant hooves. UGH.

I’ve been digging the menswear trend that’s been around for a while, especially in shoes. I never thought I’d find something worthy at Target. But I did! I walked around in these shoes for a while. I’m not 100% sure I’ll keep them, because they’re not the most comfortable, but for now, I own them. And buying shoes is the best cure to a bad day. Oh, and when you add shoe-buying to a hot Caramel Macchiato and an evening on the couch watching Heroes while cuddled up with your fiance… well then you have a mood-enhancing combination strong enough to make you face the next day.

So, they’re not really all that practical, but I can’t help but like them. They were only $30, and that might be worth it to keep them. Plus, they’d be perfect for a potential Halloween costume.

Score!

As of today, all my credit cards are officially below $2,000!!!

Even better, I am at about a month ahead of my pay-off plan!

Next month is a three-paycheck month for me. I hope to put a little boost into my Get-Out-of-Debt plan AND to the David’s-Golden-Birthday-Vacation Fund.

The sooner my credit cards bills go away, the sooner I can put that money into my Throw-A-Kickass-Wedding Fund. At this rate, I should be done before next summer, which is also when I’m done paying off my car. Yes!

As if that weren’t good enough, this morning the scale rested at 182!

The only thing that would cause my exclamation-point usage to rise even further would be if I’m able to get out of work a little early today. My fingers are crossed for a slightly extended 3-day weekend!

Happy 4th!!!

EDIT: Just got “the” e-mail. I’M LEAVING AT 1:00!! PEACE OUT!!

Hulk Smash Dream

Boston Store, why must you crush my spirit and will to live?

I have been on the lookout for a cute summery dress. Preferably something casual, that I could wear out to the movies, or a picnic; but something that I could wear out to a nice dinner or a show would work too.

In losing 20 pounds, I feel like things are finally fitting me better. But better doesn’t always mean it looks good. I spent my lunch break at Boston Store searching the clearance racks for something. Anything. A nice pair of summery pants, a pretty shirt I could wear to work, THAT dress I’ve been searching for.

I marathon shopped all the Yellow-Dot racks I could find. I became annoyed at shirts that looked cute on the hanger but made me look like a clown. I got frustrated at seeing shapeless dresses that I knew would make me look like a frumpy cow. Or pregnant. Just as maddening was finding something potentially cute in the “L-XL” sections, and seeing it was actually a size 6. WHY?! I cried out to the gods.

I think I am in between sizes or something. The jeans I’m currently wearing are a 16. They’ve got stretch in them, but they are loose on me. I tried on a couple pairs of pants that were a 16 and were too tight. I could button them, but it was not cute. 16!!! I feel like I should be able to fit into that by now. It’s my darn hips. I am NOT shopping in plus size. Even size 14 that I’ve tried on at Lane Bryant before is not right on me. It’s cut all wrong. Anything plus size that I’ve ever tried has made me look bigger than I am. Maybe another 10 pounds will do it…

Anyway, I made my way to the dress area. The place where I have spent many minutes drooling over the bright and beautiful summer dresses. Kind of like some of these. If you’ve entered Boston Store at Brookfield Square through the mall entrance, you might have seen the dresses I’m talking about. Popsicle colors!

I found a few dresses that were OKAY on the Yellow-Dot racks. There is so much BLACK in the 14-16 size range. And so much empire waist. Sometimes that works out. But lately I’m finding that it just makes me look pregnant. And that’s not really what I’m going for. I blame the boobs. Anything that hangs off my boobs serves to make me look bigger, NOT “hide my stomach and hips/thighs” like the magazines say.

Then, there among the mediocrity, I saw THIS:

One of the very dresses I had yearned for in the prior weeks. I checked the size. 14! I grabbed the tag and looked for the yellow dot and reduced price. There was none. Maybe they didn’t mark this one?? I knew in my heart that wasn’t true, but I grabbed it off the rack to try it on.

I saved it for the very end, after I had tossed all the sub-par and ill-fitted dresses aside. Then I slipped this beauty over my head. I am not vain and I have a very critical view of myself, but HOT DAMN!!! If I didn’t know any better, I’d say I looked better in it than that model up there.

It was a near-perfect fit. It’s a tad on the bridesmaid-y side, but I think it overcomes that. There was waist definition, and just enough of a skirt to give me that 50′s/Stepford Wives look that I love. And yet, the cut was modern and, dare I say, slimming. It just felt good.

I fell in love and died a little right there, knowing it could not ACTUALLY be 60%+ off. And yet, I had hope that it might my lucky day. I hung out in it for a few minutes, grabbing my camera to snap some pictures. Trust me, if I had my cord, I’d have uploaded them to my work computer and be posting them right now.

I checked the time and reluctantly unzipped myself. I looked at the tag again. $128.00. No yellow marking. I took it up to the woman at the register. My face must have told her that I was in turmoil and asked if I needed a price checked. I said yes and said I found the dress on the clearance rack as she told me she thought that it was full price.

She scanned it. It was on sale. For $99.99. I couldn’t bear to turn away from it, though, and so I asked her to put it on hold. You know, in case I find a hundred dollar bill on the ground. She was super nice and told me she’d try to hold it until store close tomorrow. I thanked her, then turned and walked away.

I can’t afford it. Even with my mom’s employee discount, it would be $75. I mean, technically, yes, I can afford that, but that money should go towards other monthly expenses. But I have until tomorrow to wonder what I can go without in the next two weeks in order to have that gorgeous dress.

Sigh.

So that was my over-dramatized lunch hour. But really, it’s pretty!!

Govern!

David is at jury duty right now. Or, actually he’s at jury SELECTION right now. He left for the courthouse this morning. He was not allowed to bring ANY electronic devices, so no text messages updating me on what’s going on! I won’t know anything until tonight. It’s weird.

It was awesome getting to sleep in this morning. Usually we have to be out the door at 7:15, because we carpool and he works at 7:30. Today, I didn’t get out of bed until 7:15!! I got ready and left for work on my own schedule!! Which of course means I was late. But it was awesome! And I was only late by a minute or two. And it was kind of on purpose, daring anyone to say anything so I could respond, “I’ve been here 10-15 minutes early every day for the past several months!”

Not that I actually start WORKING 10-15 minutes early.

The only bad thing about going our separate ways in the morning is not getting to hold hands on the way to work. But a good-bye hug and kiss was almost as nice. If he get selected, we may be doing a lot of that for a while.

TGIF

These last couple days of work have truly been terrible. My job is full of technical jargon, so I can’t even explain it to David, let alone the blog world. But I think yesterday was the hardest day I’ve ever worked here. SO much stuff going on. Some of it has trickled to today, but I’m a little brain dead, so it’s easy to care about it less.

So thank goodness it’s weekend time! Tonight, I’m going to see A New Brain at Windfall Theatre. I don’t really know this show, but it’s one of David’s favorites. We also know about half the cast really well. It’ll be fun to sit and watch them perform, rather than being next to them on the stage!

Afterwards, we’re meeting our favorite double date couple, Chuck and Lisa for a late dinner and drinks at Tulip. This place is delicious. I hope we can sit outside, but if we can’t, the atmosphere inside is very nice.

I’m going on a Flickr Photowalk tomorrow with some random photographer people from the Milwaukee area. I’m looking forward to that and getting some artsy shots of the Walkers Point area. David will be helping a friend move. I think our schedule is open in the evening. Maybe we’ll see a movie or just hang at home. Either options sounds nice to me!

In other random news, my scale said 191 this morning!!! YES! That gives me extra motivation to stick with the diet tonight. It would be great to see 190 by Monday. That would be such a nice milestone. I haven’t seen this much weight loss in at least three years. It feels so good!!

I didn’t work out today, but I wanted to! I took the lunch hour off to run some errands, like cash a check that’s been in my purse for two weeks! I wish I could have hit the gym, but these things needed to be done and my bank has a location very close to my work, but nowhere near my house!

Also, it was nice to see one of my high credit card balances is finally under $2,000 and it will stay that way! I found this great calculator for those of us who have multiple credit cards with different interest rates. It was helpful to organize my payments and see when I’d be able to be paid off. By this time next year, I should be debt free!

Downtown Dining Week is coming up soon! I love this, although I’ll have to limit myself to fewer visits than last year due to my desire to stick with my diet. It’s such a fun way to try out new restaurants and get a great meal at an expensive place you might be to poor to visit. Our favorite last year was Osteria Del Mondo. A three course dinner for $20? Yes please!

Since I’m not doing a show this summer (for the first time in at least FIVE years!) I plan to enjoy the heck out of my summer. The kickoff to the summer festival season starts at the end of this month, with Riversplash. I can’t wait to be able to have fun and do what I want with my summer!