Lost the Battle

But I’m looking ahead…

I ate like a cow yesterday. Or a pig. Or a bear after hibernating for two years straight. I dont’ know why. It was one of those days where I just couldn’t feel full. I’m fighting it today. I can’t have two days like that in a row.

I had the best intentions to work out yesterday after work with David. But as usual he flaked out on me. I’m not mad at him, really, but annoyed. We’re cancelling his gym membership today. If only we had done it four months ago and saved the headaches and the money.

He is done with work at 4:00, but waits for me to pick him up after I’m done at 5:00. I can understand how waiting around in a hospital for an hour waiting to be picked up can sap any motivation to hit the YMCA for an hour before dinner. But such is the life of a one-car household.

We were productive and ran errands and did some grocery shopping, and did some crunches and stuff while watching TV. But that doesn’t make up for my missed workout. Last week I worked out FIVE times! 3 times at the Y and two Pole classes. It felt great! So far this week- ONCE.

I’m going at lunch today, but lunchtime workouts just don’t do enough for me. I have it down to a science, though- 10 minutes to get to the Y (remove jewelry and put hair into a pony-tail in the car on the way); check in; 5 minutes to change into gym clothes; 15-20 minutes on the elliptical (including cool-down); 10 minutes to wipe down and change back into work clothes; 10 minutes to drive back to work (fix hair and makeup in the car).

It’s hard to be okay with getting all sweaty when I know I have to rush back to work. But even if I really push myself for those 20 minutes, what can I burn? 200 calories? The reason I do it is because it’s better than nothing. But I’m not going to lose serious weight with a couple lunchtime workouts a week. I need the hour long time after work. I know David will be willing to take the bus home on occasion so I can head straight to the YMCA, but sometimes, like when it’s 3 degrees outside, that just feels cruel.

I just thought things were going to be different yesterday. David and I had a “discussion” on Tuesday night which went as most of our “discussions” do- I cried while we talked things out. I told him that, with his family history of health problems, I worried about his health and felt that he was in a much bigger risk group than I was, but we both need to get healthy. He told me that we would work out Wednesday night.

And then we didn’t. Sigh.

We actually have an elliptical machine at home. It’s in pieces, never having been fixed or reassembled after our move a year and a half ago.But it’s there. He wants to put it together. I applaud this. But the problem is our house is in a state of disaster. We’ve never fully unpacked or organized and there are two rooms in our three-bedroom duplex that are practically or totally unusable because they are full of storage and junk.

Here’s the story- David’s dad bought a foreclosed house that needed a TON of work. So he left a lot of stuff in an extra bedroom in our place. We have slowly been adding our own mess to his mess. Now, you can barely open the door because it’s full of boxes, office supplies, theater costumes, etc. Ridiculous! I’m in the process of getting the rest of our house organized before attacking that room. It will eventually be our office/den. We’ll have a couple desks and the elliptical set up in there. But now we might set it up in an obnoxious place in the living room. Fine. Whatever.

BAH!!!!!! This is all so frustrating. I am not in control and I hate that feeling. I’m not in control of my health, weight, bills, and my house. This must be remedied. Being an adult is HARD.

But I must remember that I will get out of this. I will figure everything out. I like to think I’m a lot more grown up than I actually am. I need to have some patience. As I grow up, I will learn more about handling these issues. And I need to remember that living independently from my parents is really the best thing ever.

This was supposed to be an entry to motivate myself to have a good workout today at lunch and it turned into a whine-fest. How lame.

Oh well. It felt good. And I have something fun and exciting to write about later. I just had to get this off my chest.

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3 Responses to “Lost the Battle”

  1. Bria Says:

    YOU CAN DO IT!!! im gonna be getting a y membership like tomorrow.. i need the yoga.. its keeps me sane… much happiness you can do it!!

  2. Cynthia Says:

    Well, keep up the workouts!

    It might be time to tell Dave’s dad to rent some storage space… I mean, it’s fine to store something for someone temporarily, but now it’s looking like the space is needed by you two… so time for him to find a different solution and move his junk back out.

    Not everyone likes to work out at the gym and for some folks, having a home solution is a good thing. So if Dave wants to put the elliptical together and use it, that’s great. Meanwhile, as much as you worry about him, you can’t MAKE him be healthy or even make him want to be. So do what is necessary for your health and well being.

    Have a good day!

  3. hotsauce Says:

    i don’t think you lost any sort of battle, despite what you say. i fully understand your frustration with all of these things, but please don’t project your feelings of lack of control onto your weight “problems.” your weight is not the problem, and your body is not something you should strive to beat into submission. that’s not going to help you with anything.

    check this out:
    http://kateharding.net/2007/11/27/the-fantasy-of-being-thin/

    love, hotsauce

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