Emo

I’m feeling emo today. Perhaps I should have dressed all in black and combed my hair over my face. I can only assume it must be PMS because my week has been pretty good.

I got a raise yesterday! It’s an average raise, but I got a teeny tiny raise last year, and this one was more than double. PLUS, I got a huge bonus. Well, huge to me. Big enough to make up for a majority of my Thailand trip. Big enough that I don’t feel TOO bad for taking some out and treating D and I to a nice dinner, perhaps for his birthday. Big enough that I can apply the rest of it to one of my credit cards and breathe a little easier.

Of course, it’s not big enough to take a huge bite out of my credit card debt. In fact, it’s only about 10% of my CC debt. But hey, it’s a step, and it it’s a much bigger step than I thought I’d be able to take at this point. If I get a tax return AND a stimulus check, I might actually use the stimulus check for it’s intended purpose. I could use some home improvement items.

Part of my feeling down is also probably the Favre news. I liked the guy. He was fun to watch. And I never was able to fulfill my dream of seeing him play live. Woe is me.

Also, D has been feeling down and worried thanks to the election news. He was really hoping that Clinton would effectively be OUT of the race after last night, but that did not happen. I’m not THAT in to politics, but he is more than makes up for me. He is really invested in this election and it’s really exciting for me to see him so inspired and hopeful about a political candidate. It’s hard to see him disappointed over something he takes very seriously, but has no control over.

Finally, this could be a whole entry by itself, but I just need to touch on it… I feel like I should be older. By that, I mean I feel like I should be past my early 20s. I look at some friends who are older than I. They’re married, buying houses, going on great vacations, working at jobs that they like, etc. I often wonder what I’m doing wrong and why I don’t have all that yet. Then I remember that I’m only 23. Some of these people are 26 or 28 or older. Just because those people are my friends, doesn’t mean I have to be at the same place in life.

But DAMN I’d like to be. In some ways I feel so much older than the number 23. In others, I feel younger. But overall, I just want to BE THERE already. I want my life to be in order. I want to be done with the struggling. But unfortunately, I can’t really see any way to speed the growing-up process. I just have to make sure things fall in place as I’m able.

For now, I’ll just have my dreams where we’re happily married and living in a house. Maybe one that is nicely decorated and where we can invite friends over for dinner and where the laundry is always organized and dishes are always done and the living room doesn’t resemble a dorm. That stuff comes with age too, right??

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2 Responses to “Emo”

  1. sckaye Says:

    “I want my life to be in order. I want to be done with the struggling. ”

    Sweetie, I hate to break it to you, but this never happens EVER. A wedding and a house bring huge amounts of debt and you always have to work on relationships and the house will ALWAYS be messy. I’m sure you know this already. But I laughed when I read this. I think we’re all always looking at the next thing. J and I have a nice house and a dog and 2 cats and 2 cars. But I want to travel and get a bigger house and I want a nice yard and a 2nd dog and…and…and…

    But you know, it does throw me every time I realize you’re 23 too. But mostly because I think of you as just as “Settled” as we are. You live in a big, beautiful apartment and even if you guys are slowly making your way to the altar, you’re already life-partners. We just haven’t had the big party for it yet. I think you’re pretty grown up already.

  2. The bald one Says:

    “Maybe one that is nicely decorated and where we can invite friends over for dinner and where the laundry is always organized and dishes are always done and the living room doesn’t resemble a dorm. That stuff comes with age too, right??”

    Right, absolutely. You’ve seen my place– that proves it…..

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