“I am a douchebag. I cheated on my wife with a prostitute. No matter how high priced she was, she was still a prostitute. And I paid her to have sex with me. She was probably 22. I didn’t care how this would make my wife or my TEENAGE daughters feel. I figured it would be okay as long as I didn’t get caught. I’m sorry, but I’m more sorry I got caught. Because now my wife, family, and the whole country knows how much of a disgusting, unfaithful, hypocritical pervert I am. I didn’t break the law once, I broke it multiple times. I acted a fool. I not only need to resign, but I also need to STOP trying to weasel out of legal ramifications and take any fines or jail time like the loser that I am. I should not be exempted from laws and consequences because of my status, I should be held to an even higher standard. To reiterate, I am a lying douche.”
I should SO be a speech writer. Wouldn’t that have been a better statement?