Alternate Spitzer Statement

“I am a douchebag. I cheated on my wife with a prostitute. No matter how high priced she was, she was still a prostitute. And I paid her to have sex with me. She was probably 22. I didn’t care how this would make my wife or my TEENAGE daughters feel. I figured it would be okay as long as I didn’t get caught. I’m sorry, but I’m more sorry I got caught. Because now my wife, family, and the whole country knows how much of a disgusting, unfaithful, hypocritical pervert I am. I didn’t break the law once, I broke it multiple times. I acted a fool. I not only need to resign, but I also need to STOP trying to weasel out of legal ramifications and take any fines or jail time like the loser that I am. I should not be exempted from laws and consequences because of my status, I should be held to an even higher standard. To reiterate, I am a lying douche.”

I should SO be a speech writer. Wouldn’t that have been a better statement?


4 Responses to “Alternate Spitzer Statement”

  1. Jesse Says:

    yes! lol

    that would have been perfect.

    go for it! i think people are just waiting to jump on material like this!

  2. Sara Says:

    I couldn’t have said it better myself.

  3. MK Says:

    I likes it. I likes it a lot.

  4. sckaye Says:

    I’ll just call you Sam Seaborn

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