I Can Has More Weekend?

Please?

This three day weekend was NOT long enough. I did plenty, but David and I did not have enough time to relax and spend some quality “US” time together.

After I left work on Friday, I spend the afternoon slowly shopping at Boston Store. I didn’t really need anything, but I didn’t feel like going home, and I still had to pick David up from work at 4:00. I bought a couple of shirts and tried on several pairs of shoes, but I didn’t find THE pair that I’m looking for. Part of that is because I don’t really know what I’m looking for… but when I see them, I’ll know!

David and I wandered Mayfair Mall for a while and then walked over to Cheesecake Factory for dinner. It was pleasant, having time to eat dinner together and just engaging in casual conversation. Then it was off to my super-sexy pole dancing class, where I gave myself several new side bruises that still hurt today. I had planned on rushing downtown to see the US Bank Fireworks, but my drive home and the bus schedule just didn’t fit together very well. Plus I was feeling exhausted, so I called my friends and crapped out on them. I wasn’t too proud of that, but lounging on the couch felt pretty nice.

David got home from rehearsal and we sat on the couch talking for a while. We decided to go buy a scary movie, make some popcorn, and relax. That’s when our trouble began. Target and Blockbuster were closed. I talked about all the potential plans for the 4th of July. And somewhere in all of that, David got very overwhelmed. And just like that our fun night melted into frustration.

July 4th was going to be our day with no plans. Well, then my mom asked me to take my little sister to the Tosa parade. And my neighbors were having a cookout. And there were the Tosa fireworks. We worked things out and still manage to catch our own “Double Feature” at the movies (Hancock and Get Smart- both passable summer movies). But it wasn’t quite the care-free day David had hoped for.

There was a lot of tension and frustration on what should have been a very chilled-out and fun day. I feel so bad because of that. It all stems from our stress level right now. David’s show opens this Friday and his rehearsal schedule has been unbelievably crazy. He had rehearsal Saturday and Sunday this weekend. Sunday’s rehearsal was from 1pm-10pm!! And now, this whole week, rather than going from 7-10pm, they’re rehearsing from 6:30-11pm!

So he’s stressed out because that leaves almost ZERO minutes for relaxing. Usually we’re in bed before 11. I’m stressed out because I’m stuck at home every night with a house full of stuff to clean, but no energy to do so. I feel like I only have time to do the minimum… clean up from dinner, wash dishes, do laundry, shower, go to bed. And then I get sucked into TV. If I catch an addictive TV show it’s so hard to pull myself off the couch.

So I’m frustrated because I feel like I’m not doing enough. He’s frustrated because he’s doing too much. It’s not a good time in our house right now. We did manage to have a good time on Saturday night, after my family reunion. We curled up on the couch and watched Jurassic Park, one of our favorites. After that, everything seemed okay again.

We had few of long talks on Thursday and Friday about our feelings and what we were thinking and relationship problem-solving. I think we communicate very well for the most part. But sometimes even we suffer from communication breakdowns. Tears are shed and tension is high, but we have yet to leave anything unresolved. It’s been so difficult when we rarely see each other.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. His show opens on Friday and it plays Thursday-Sunday for the next few weeks. That means we’ll at least have Monday-Wednesdays to catch up on our “us” time.

When things were SO built up and we were both frustrated with everything around us and each other, I looked down at my engagement ring. I thought, is this something that could destroy our relationship, or are we going to work through this?  The answer, of course, was Duh! We can work through this. Everything will end up okay, and we’ll be stronger for figuring it out. Just having that moment of clarity helped me talk through everything.

I guess that’s why I’m writing this. I like to blog because I like to look back at the years and remember things that I’ve done and been through. It’s the lazy person’s scrapbook. Perhaps a year from now I’ll reread this entry and remember this as another step in our relationship. Or maybe I’ll look at it during another trying time and remember that there is nothing that will stop us. That’s what that ring means to me. Whenever I feel scared or stressed I look down and it reminds me that we have made this promise to each other, to help each other through tough times and work through any problems. We may not be husband and wife yet, but I am confident that once we get there, we will be ready for anything.

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7 Responses to “I Can Has More Weekend?”

  1. julia Says:

    We had some rough times in the beginning of our marriage, when I worked my BUTT OFF full time and Nate was just taking 2-3 classes each week. I was pissy b/c I thought I was doing it all, and he always felt guilty. Now we are on more of a balance, but it’s hard! Even post engagement into marriage, so keep those lines of communication open, my friend.

  2. Bria Says:

    good for you for working it out!! im so glad that you two are working it out!!

    there are some days i feel the same way with nick we have off days and i worry if it will break things or if we will work it through. I keep hoping it will and it always does. just alot of work. lot so f talking and yelling.. but we are both very very vocal dented nerds… heheheheh

    love you both tons!!!

  3. Mel Says:

    I read your blog often and I simply enjoy your “realness!” I read other(and by other I mean one) blogs that are so sugar-coated, I often catch myself thinking, “What’s wrong with you. Are you real?!?” I read your blog and think, “Girl, I can relate.”

    I appreciate your honesty and heart. It’s hard having two people, who have learned to communicate one way their whole lives, come together and communicate in a way that works best for each other. I’m not one for business reading, but Difficult Conversations is an awesome read that allowed me to improve my own communication skills with my manfriend.

    Okay, I’m done writing my manifesto! 🙂

  4. kelly Says:

    We are in one of those trying times right now also. With the wedding only a month away, we both have short fuses.

    I have the same thoughts you are having too – “Can this destroy our relationship?” And then I remember how awesome he is, how much we love each other and all the GOOD things about our relationship. You are not perfect, you will fight, it is ok. That is what I tell myself 🙂

  5. Erin Says:

    Communication is definitely key – good for you guys for working through the rough spots. So many people are passive aggressive or just give up, ya know? D and I are really good communicators, too, but there are times when I really see how much we’ll have to continue to work on it our whole lives. It takes some work, for sure!

    And I wish this past weekend could have gone on forever!

  6. tashamort Says:

    Thanks for your comments everyone! I was hesitant to write this, because it can be so easy for someone reading the Internets to take something the wrong way. I figured most people who have been reading my blog have some sense of me and my relationship, and those who don’t… well, who cares about them?

    Mel- What you said is so true, that we’ve learned different ways of communicating, and sometimes it’s hard to meld those together. PS- thanks for commenting! I’m glad you enjoy my blog!!

  7. It's MSOJ Says:

    Wow, the last couple of paragraphs actually started to make me feel tears of glee welling up. It was your sense of expression, and being willing to express yourself rather than hold things in, and from David, which made me so confident about your relationship.

    I have heard YOUR deep thoughts, for longer than most followers, and I know of the social uncertainty you used to feel, and I have witnessed from afar your evolution toward David and the ongoing relationship. What was most gratifying to me about all of that is that you went from someone with social doubts and fears (ahem, not supported by your exterior, I might add) to a person who seems generally content in her long-term relationship.

    I think that you can apply this strength of self-expression not only to affairs of the heart, but to the age-old weight issue too. For THE NUMBER on the scale doesn’t matter as much as how you are affected by it. And I promise you that the self-expression will do you far more good than any (other) form of exercise.

    … (keeps reading a bit more)

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