My house is for sale. It’s not my house, but it’s my home. The house I really grew up in. I’ve lived in several homes, but this was the forever home. I spent almost 10 years here. My youngest sister was born the day we moved in. I went through middle and high school in this house. I still call it home.

And now it has been listed. It might take a while to sell, but it will sell. And then it will never be home again. This hurts in a certain way that reminds me that I told myself I was going to start seeing a therapist to help me through some parental divorce “issues.”

But that costs money.

I’m freaked out of my mind about money. Monday after work, David and I went to the Gap at Mayfair. I decided I finally needed a new pair of jeans, and their sizes seemed to fit well. They had a 20% off offer when you open a Gap card. I figured what the heck, so I opened one. David tried on jeans too. We both got a new pair that look AWESOME. And… mine are a size 14!!!!!!!!!!!! And they fit very comfortably, not tight at all. With the 20% off, I spent $100 on two pairs of jeans, which I think is a good deal. But it’s still $100.

I had a gift card for Envoy at the Ambassador Hotel, so we went there for dinner. We were feeling great, and decided to celebrate David’s show being over, AND the fact that he does not need surgery on his hand. We went overboard on the (absolutely delicious) meal and spent about $70 after the gift card.

On Wednesday we got Chinese food for lunch. We were both feeling a little sick and I was feeling depressed over my dental news. So David bought us Chinese take-out. My fortune cookie said something like, “Now is not the time to overspend. Frugality is important.”

HOLY GOD FREAKING OUT!!! Even my fortune cookie knows that things are about to get bad.

Oh yeah, and Tuesday, instead of going to State Fair, because it was hot and my teeth hurt, I went to Neroli and got a bikini and brow wax. These, combined with my jeans make me feel good, but then I think about how much I spent on it all, and I freak out some more.

Wednesday is my potential root canal. Thursday I have an appointment for a hair cut. I know I won’t have to pay for the root canal up front, and the crown is the expensive part anyway, but this still freaks me out. I’ve been waiting a long time for this cut, and I am planning on going MUCH shorter. Now I’m wondering if I should cancel the damn thing. I’ll probably have stroke face all Thursday anyway from the Novocain. Oh, and since I took TWO days off this week, I’ll have to go to work on Thursday with stroke face. Especially since I’ll have to take another day off for the crown.

I need to scream and cry into a pillow to vent my frustration.

This is very overdramatic, I know, but I’m scared to hope for the best. I so often just think about the worst, and am sometimes pleasantly surprised. But in this case, I don’t even know how to prepare for the worst. Even the BEST scenario still involves upwards of $6,000 within the next 10 years. Maybe I could get insurance to cover SOME of that (because it would be impossible to do a bridge on the left side). But still. I am feeling very down right now. And I think my cell phone bill is overdue as of today. Crap.


One Response to “Rambling”

  1. Ginesa Says:

    I had a root canal done two years ago – on my BIRTHDAY of all things (it was a three day weekend, I couldn’t take time off of work, etc etc.).

    I can tell you this much – it’s nowhere near as bad as you think and prepare it to be. I was surprised at how little pain I had – I was more sore because of having my mouth open for so long than any of the work I had done. I also had a cap put on, and thankfully I havne’t had ANY problems with my teeth since then.

    I know it’s going to be okay for you, regardless of which way it goes.

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