Archive for the ‘Funny’ Category

Lighter

November 12, 2008

My dad sent me this. I imagine this is how he feels sometimes in Milwaukee, with our lack of authentic Persian restaurants. Heck, even I feel this way. I would do much for a kebab.

Weekend Bits

October 20, 2008

I’ll have to do a crazy picture post soon, but in the meantime, there are two things I just had to get out.

I got an oil change and a headlight replaced for $28 on Friday night. I kind of hated to play into the dumb girl flirty thing at Scrub-a-Dub, but it just happened. Not only did this nice guy give me $6 off, even though I forgot my coupon, but he “forgot” to charge me for the headlight. When he noticed his mistake, I said he could ring it back up and I’d pay for it, but he decided not to. Well, I’m not going to argue with that!

However, this one dude gave me his number. Yes. For real. I was mortified. His name was Tommie. And it came with an explanation. He lives with his sister and he “doesn’t have a phone right now, and it’s her home number, so if a girl picks up, that’s who it is.” But I can just ask for him.

Can you even believe that I didn’t leap out of the car and jump his bones right then and there?!?!!! My willpower must be STRONG, because I was somehow able to resist.

You know what though, props to him for being brave and taking a chance. He did say something along the lines of “I’m just giving it to you in case… you don’t have to call. I won’t be hurt” so I don’t feel too guilty. But seriously dude, get your life together before you go trying to pick up chicks!

So even though I was embarrassed as all hell, I told David. And he in turn told his dad and his friend. Now they would like me to be in charge of getting their oil changed too. Good lord.

Also, David gave me a present!! We’re so bad at waiting to give each other gifts. I guess he bought this for my birthday or Christmas, but was itching to give it to me. It’s from a used bookstore, so I don’t feel too bad. Plus it’s awesome, and I can definitely use it well before the holidays.

It’s this cute cookbook called Sweet Miniatures.

I’ve been reading it since he gave it to me, and it looks awesome! I can’t wait to make one of the recipes. If my Pick N Save has rice flour, I’ll make the “Shortbread Cameos” this week! It’s all about tiny desserts. Tartlets, petit fours, mini cookies, and other “one bite” desserts. It’s awesome! Plus she has a great introduction about some of the logistics and science and techniques of baking. I’m fascinated. I’ve been cupcake crazy lately, so I can’t wait to dive in to some new recipes!

There Goes My Political Career

September 12, 2008

Not like I really wanted one.

As I’ve mentioned on here before, I’m part of The Warped Cast, which is kind of an offshoot of our local Rocky Horror Picture Show cast, Sensual Daydreams. If you’ve never seen Rocky Horror at the Oriental Theater at midnight, it’s kind of hard to explain. It’s called “shadow casting” and it involves a group of people “acting” out a movie while it’s playing on the big screen. Why? I don’t really know. Usually it’s done with ridiculous movies and it’s like a way to act out and mock all the dumb-ass-ery that the movie entails.

The cool thing is that it has introduced me to some crazy people that I now call my friends.


(Yes, I had been drinking.)

In our most recent production of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, I played the very boring, very lame Mrs. Bucket. While the Rocky Horror group is all about “screen accuracy,” we are more about making sure our audiences just have a great time. There aren’t “call back” lines for these movies like there are for Rocky Horror, so we have to make our own funnies.

I’m sure you’re all familiar with the terrible, horrible, boring song “Cheer Up Charlie,” and if you’re not, it’s probably because you’re like 98% of the population who fast-forwarded that part of the movie when you watched it. Needless to say, we couldn’t have two minutes and thirty seconds of awfulness fill the theater during this part of the movie, so we all brainstormed ways to make it better.

It sure was better. Lets just say I did a sort of “special dance” while pretending to sing the song. Audiences went from chanting “fast forward” to cheering. It worked.

It’s on You Tube. I vaguely remember someone saying they recorded it, and I vaguely remember agreeing to allow it to be put on the internets. But today was the first time I thought to look for it, and the first time I saw myself acting a fool. I shook my head in shame, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t laugh.

I’m not going to link it here, but if you’re truly curious, I have given you enough info to find it on your own. But then you can’t blame me for watching it. Okay, it’s really not that bad, and there’s no nudity or anything like that, so get your minds out of the gutter.

And on that note, come see our production of CLUE at midnight on September 26th or 27th.

Catch Up

September 5, 2008

This will be a long one. But there will be pictures! This is what happens when I have to catch up on some pictures and stories from a couple weeks ago…

The story behind my cousin Nikole is a long one. She’s a few months younger than me, and we’ve grown up together. When we were young, her family moved up north, but we were always close. After graduating high school, I helped her move to Milwaukee and we were BFFs all over again. But she’s one of those people that I need limited doses of. She’s… exciting. We’ll say that. She met a guy at Summerfest who lived in Phoenix. After a couple visits and months of talking, she decided to move there. It was a good fit, and she always wanted to live somewhere warm. Well, things didn’t work out and she moved home. They missed each other, and long story short, she lives back out there and they now have a 9 month old child.
 
We’ve seen each other a couple times since then, and it’s always been crazy. I love her, no doubts about that, but she’s exhausting sometimes!

Her younger sister is getting married next fall, and she wanted to get all the bridesmaids together to do a little planning and dress shopping. We picked a weekend and Nikole (to our delight) planned to fly in from Arizona. And by herself! Not that I don’t love her little boy, or her boyfriend, but after 9 months of baby, she needed some free time!!
 
She was supposed to get in on Thursday night, at 11:55. Fortunately my dad offered to pick her up and have her stay at his place that night, because her flight was delayed and she didn’t get in until 2 am! I met them at Hector’s for dinner after work, and had a fun night. I went out with some friends at Trocadero and then met up with David, Nikole, my dad, my dad’s brother, and some of their friends at Euro Bar. From there, we went to La Cage. It was a good time, though going out with my dad is always an interesting event. The nice thing is he pays for everything and knows how to have a good time, the bad thing is he’s my DAD!

When he FINALLY got out of the cage, Nikole and I went up and danced for a while. There were two hot, half-naked, sweaty dudes making out with each other right next to us. It was weird and awesome at the same time. Nikole almost got picked up by a pretty, though very butch woman, who smelled really nice.

I love La Cage because they play good music, and (almost) everyone is nice, friendly, and is just there to dance and have a good time! There was one downfall this time. A very creepy dude kept following our group around. There were these two girls in our group (somehow friends of a friend of my dad…) who were drop dead gorgeous. I’m talking, model beautiful. They probably were models. I think they were Russian. Oh, and to top it off, they were SO nice and friendly, even though I just met them that night!! Needless to say, eyes were on them wherever we went.

So anyway, this creepy dude kept trying to rub up on them. In a nasty way. As one girl put it, “That guy just rubbed his little boner on me.” But in a Russian accent. David, the perfect gentleman, got our dancing circle turned around so that the boys were between creepy dude and all the girls. (Also, when I confessed to Nikole that I was maybe feeling a little drunkenly whiny about David having spent all evening with these maybe-models, she told me that he barely looked at them and talked to her all night. Nice! 🙂 Hell, even I could barely stop looking at them!)

When creepy dude tried to dance with one of the model girls again, she said no thanks, and we moved to a different part of the dance floor. He eventually made his way over there! After a while of sitting on the sidelines, staring at the model girls, trying to dance, and getting rejected, he moved onto Nikole. He came up behind her and tried to dance with her. She turned around and yelled in his face, “NO!!!!! Can’t you take a hint?! NOOO!!!!”

He left us alone after that. It was fantastic.

I’ve never had an experience like that at La Cage. Why would a straight dude come there to try to pick up chicks?? Any chick who is there is either gay, or just looking to have fun with friends and DANCE (or both)!! Not find a dude to go home with. DUMB.

The next morning we got up to drive to Madison to do some dress shopping at David’s Bridal. This took pretty much ALL DAY. It was fun, and I was excited because Samantha (my sister)

was coming down from Eau Claire for it too. The bridesmaids are me, Nikole, Samantha, and two friends of Katie’s. Only one friend showed up, and Katie was half an hour late, despite the fact that she lives the closest!

She spent somewhere around two hours trying on dresses. We all enjoyed it, but we were just itching to try on our own dresses! There were two finalists, but this is the one that really made Katie happy. It will be in “Cornflower Blue.” I think it’ll be great.

The rest of us decided it was time to get in on the dress action. By this point, we pretty much had the store to ourselves. We all grabbed armfulls of dresses. Katie wanted floor length, and blue, but we were free to choose our own styles. Somehow, we all looked best in the same style, so we’re all going with the same dress anyway!

So, admittedly, part of why I was excited about trying on dresses was my weight loss. I went bridal gown shopping at DB several months ago, and was disappointed by how things fit me. I was excited to get into a smaller size and hopefully be happier with the way I looked. It happened! This dress is a 14! It didn’t zip up ALL the way in the back, but it fit in the waist! When we order in January, I’ll confidently order a 14, but by September, I’m hoping to have it altered down to at least a 12!

We tried on several other styles. This one made us feel like pageant girls. It didn’t quite jive with everyone, but Nikole liked the black and white version. The colors I’m wearing are Katie’s colors. Our dresses will be the color of the light blue inset.
 (PS- This was a 14 that DID zip up!)

The rest of the evening was spent driving around the little BFE towns up there and visiting family. We stopped by our grandparents’ house and her parents’ house. It was a treat to see everyone, since I usually see these people only a couple times a year. However, by the time we left to head back to Milwaukee, it was around 11:00! We were in Westfield, which is about 2.5-3 hours from Milwaukee if you drive the speed limit. Nikole wanted to get to MKE and still have time to party, so I floored it. We parked downtown at around 1 AM. Good lord. I dislike driving in the country, especially in the dark, especially while speeding.

So after HOURS in the car, I’m one big ball of stress, but we meet up with my dad at Euro Bar. But Nikole doesn’t like their music. But it’s already nearing 2AM! I wanted to just go home, but we finally leave in search of a “better” place. I certainly wasn’t going to pay cover to dance in a place for a matter of minutes, but we wandered Milwaukee St to see if anywhere “cooler” was still open. Everything was closing. She finally had to accept that we were just going to go home. After that crazy day, it was hard for me to believe that she wasn’t leaving until TUESDAY.

Sunday was nice. We had brunch with my dad, sister, uncle and other cousin. It was kind of funny that all this family happened to be in town on the same weekend. The best part is Leila and Sophia wanted to order a Bloody Mary like the grown ups. So they got a Virgin Mary. It was NOT what they thought it was (maybe they were picturing Mimosas?) and didn’t drink any of it. Growing up too fast FAIL!

Monday morning I dropped Nikole off at her grandparents’ house before I went to work. After work I picked her up and we went to visit our aunt, uncle, and cousins in Stallis. The plan was to stay there for an hour, max, after which we would pick up Kopps for us, and David, and head back to my place. Well, she wanted to hang out with a friend, but he lives in Oconomowoc. She asked if I could drive her out there. (?!?!) It was after 6 already, so NO, I was not doing that. It would be easier for him to pick her up from Stallis, but he was doing something and she could not get ahold of him. WTF?

After lots of back and forth and not knowing what was going on, she finally just told me to go and leave here there and she’d make him come get her. It was about 7:30 when I left. I was PISSED. The whole point of going to Kopps was for her, but I had promised David that I’d get dinner. And now I wanted Kopps anyway! So I drove out to pick it up. It was dark by the time I got home. SUCK.

After eating and watching the Olympics, we decided to get to bed early. As we were getting ready we hear the front door. Nikole comes up with this friend of hers!! If she had asked if he could come over, I would’ve said yes, but it was a big surprise to have a random dude show up with her. Whatever. He wasn’t going to stay for long and it gave me the perfect excuse to get to bed early.

Tuesday morning. The end was in sight! I dropped her off at my mom’s house before I went to work so my mom could take her to the airport in the mid afternoon.

I get a voice mail from her around 2:00, telling me to call her. I assumed she forgot something, so I gave her a call. Oh, she forgot something all right. Her return flight wasn’t on Tuesday. It was on WEDNESDAY.

Oh dear lord. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I think I did a little of both. Sure enough, after work, she called asking if I wanted to do something that night. I had my final Pole 2 class, and wasn’t about to skip it. I apologized, and told her she was on her own. After the class, I called her to find out how she was going to get to the airport. Being the nice, patient, understanding soul that I am, I took an hour of my precious, dwindling vacation time to have a two hour lunch to get her to the airport.

And with that, the whirlwind was over. I love her, but the crazy drama never fails to surface with her. And maybe that’s part of why I love her. Who else, with a job, a baby, and a boyfriend in another state, would not know the exact time and date of her return flight?! But she’s my family, she’s my friend, and I’ll miss her until we see each other again.

Based On A Conversation

September 4, 2008

Thanks to Cafepress.com, any idiot can take an inside joke or obsession to far.

I made this today. I’m THISCLOSE to ordering it.

This is proof of how much I love cake. Bacon is thrown in there to appease David, and the rest of the salty crowd.

Long Beautiful Hair

August 14, 2008

My long hair will be gone today!!!

I have a hair cut at 6:00 today and I’m trying to make myself take the leap and cut off a lot of my hair. At least, it’s a lot of hair to me. I love having long hair, but I really feel like I just need a change. And if I’m not going to do it in the last summer month, when will I?

I used some of those hair-try-on websites, and found a look that I think I could live with.

Something like that? Maybe a touch longer. I don’t want it above my shoulders and I need to be able to pull it back into a ponytail. My hair is naturally kind of wavy, and more so when it’s shorter, so I think that might be the winner.

Unless I wanted to do this:

Yeah! Red and blue streaks! That’s the way to go!!

Or I could channel Velma Kelly turned punk:

(Ha! Proof why my hair can’t be above my shoulders!)

Or maybe I should skip the cut, and go with those colors. Then I could have this awesome Japanese Anime-Girl updo:

Yes! That’s it!

But seriously, fingers crossed that I am brave enough to try something NEW.

Random Drunk

July 24, 2008

You know what this blog has been missing? Drunkeness!!

And here I am to bring it to you!

I went out to Cubanitas (Google it, because I’m too lazy to make a link now) which is one of my absolute favorite restaurants in Milwaukee right now. With my friend WD. Kristie? What do I call her on here. Oh well, whatever. I’ll probably delete this when I come across it on Google Reader tomorrow at work. I’ll say “OMG! What the EFF was I doing?” I guess this is what happens when I get tipsy and come home to an empty house.

Oh, and her husband came too. It was good times. He drove. Yaaayyyy!!

Oh! I’m going to copy and paste an entry from my old OLD blog, back in 05, when I got home from my 21st Birthday party…

FANTA!! Don’ yhopou wanna wanna fanta!!

Suvk it trtebeck

W0w/. samantaha is ribht. it is hard to type when you are drunk.”

I went out to bars ytonight.

And it was fun.

whao. that sentence was sepelled and typed ocorrectyley, CORECTLY.

wel,l, with one more r. lets try this again.

CORRECTLY .

i did it !

I went to elsa’s and my mom bnought me a cosmopolitan. it didn’t tasete that good.

i had chapmpagne. tjhat was yummy.

and tehen i went to this bar called sake-tumi. Get5 it? Sock it to me?!!!!! it was coiol. and not croweced. and i wanted to dance. but the time went to fast. they did not card me there. i am going kto rpeport them. no, not really. but it was lame, because k io wanted to show my id. they carded me at elsas. and some weird guys were being weird.

and then i went to oakland gyros. and i made friends with people who gave me friench fries when i was wstanding in line for food. but then he called me a slut. so then i was sad. but who isn’t a slut for french fries? so then i felt ok.

now i am back home and i am going to eat gyros.

and i am drunk.

and i am 21.

yay.
no… YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, fortunately I am not THAT drunk right now.

But the Mojitos at Cubanita’s are killer. And I drank an unprecedented (big word right now) TWO of them.

They’re deadly. For real.

I ate deeeelicious food, too.

And then I got home and washed my hair. Showering while getting drunker is quite interesting.

REBEL:

That one’s for Heather, even though my bloggggg is not cool enough for her to read on any regular basis.

And just for good measure, here’s a picture of David and I from last night, the last night with his cast (he tore a ligament in his thumb):

I was the ONLY person who got to sign it! I’m special!

Well, now he has another cast on his hand, but it’s much smaller. It’s like a Michael Jackson glove. I’ll take a pic this weekend. It’s funny. His thumb did not heal over this last month, so he will have an MRI on Tuesday to see if he needs to have SURGERY! This is not a musician’s friend. The good news is that they will fix it, and he’ll be able to play guitar once again.

This week has been busy, albeit (fancy word) with fun things. But I am looking forward to next Mon-Wednesday where I have much less going on. I might go out for drinks with friends next Wednesday. This weekend I will finally call Laura back (Red- if you read this, I got your message, but I just haven’t had actual time to call you back and chat!!!)

Okay, I am off to dry my hair and drink several LARGE glasses of water and hope that I don’t feel yucky tomorrow morning.

Byeeeeeeeeee! I hope this is just as funny tomorrow! Hopefully I won’t say “OMG! What was I thinking?!” and then click delete.

</drunk blogging>

Catching Up In Photos

July 16, 2008

Saturday, I went to Rocky Horror in my best Christmas in July garb. The Virgin Mary. I’m mostly Catholic and definitely Christian, so nobody needs to tell me that I’m going to hell for this.

I took this at home:

These were taken during the costume contest. David’s baby Jesus looked more like baby Hagrid, but whatever.

Okay, and if you weren’t convinced I’m going to hell, this should do it. My virgin proof. Ridiculous homemade chastity belt. Complete with padlock.

Outrageous, I know.

Moo Cards. When I bought my Pro Flickr account I got 10 of them free. So I goofed around with them, just to see how some of my photos would look and what they were all about. They’re supposed to be like business or calling cards, but their smaller size and pictures are much more artistic and special than a normal business card.


Here’s the back. I blurred my last name, you know, because none of you know it. The font is pink, though it looks more red here:

And for the best part of my weekend… Sharing a mint chocolate chip ice cream filled crepe, covered with chocolate sauce and whipped cream while sitting on a curb at Bastille Days.

YUMMY!!!

Science Fiction, Double Feature

April 14, 2008

Picture Show. By RKO.

Oh how I missed Rocky. This past weekend was Sensual Daydream’s switch show. What this means is the cast draws a name and perform that part. Boys playing girls, girls playing boys, it doesn’t matter (not that it matters on a normal night, anyway…)

In honor of the “switch” Liz, Kurtis, David, and I decided that we should switch. Rather than dressing young and sexy, we dressed old and fogey.

We started the fun day with a fantasy come true. Steak, hashbrowns and milkshakes. Yum! Our strawberry milkshakes brought all the boys to the yard.

We then performed Death on the Nile to a sold out crowd. We got out of there and rushed to Liz’s house where we got ready for our midnight movie. We wore pajamas, which was perfect, considering how cold and crappy the weather was. David is awesome at age makeup, but Liz’s old character was awesome. I love ya Ethel!

We parked a few blocks from the Oriental and walked, talking like deranged old people all the way. We got some weird looks, of course, but we were having a great time.

David and I know most of the Rocky cast because they’re the same crazies who are in the Warped Cast/Little Shop. Because of that and our crazy get ups, I was pleased that we were picked for the “born-again virgin” games. If you’ve never been to see RHPS, you’re a virgin and they make you get up on the stage and humiliate you and you can win crappy prizes. Since it was a switch show, it was for the non-virgins! Cool!

It was the orgasm game. We were to give our best fake orgasms on a theme. Our theme? Old people. It ended with David falling on the floor after suffering from a heart attack.
 

We won. It was awesome! The audience applauding for our tomfoolery was just great. We won a red Kit-Kat shirt, a bag of Easter eggs, a Rock Band baseball cap, and a little racist Mexican toy. And we got to have our picture taken with the cast.

Oh, that is just too good.

The movie was fun and the switch-a-roos were fun to watch. I don’t know most of the callback lines, but I had fun listening to them. What a crazy night. I was definitely exhausted by the time the closing credits rolled around.

Next month, the theme is cartoons. We’re planning to go again. We’ve already got our quartet picked out. 🙂


“You know Ethel, I think my rug could use a good cleaning.”
“I’m with you Erma. My rug hasn’t been washed since ‘Nam!”

I Wanted To Laugh In Your Face

March 13, 2008

So… remember my weirdo dilemma over what to say when a cashier says “I love this! This is so cute!”??

Well, it happened again.

This time it was at Walgreens. Over socks. Plain, white ankle socks.

The cashier squealed “These are super cute! I need some new socks.”

About these:
 

 Umm… Okay. I may have looked at her like she was crazy. Which she obviously was. They’re just socks!

 OH! I was just reminded of the time I bought these:

It was at Sentry Foods. And the older cashier woman also squealed, “Oh!! How cute!” Gee, THANKS lady for drawing attention to some crotch razors. Thanks a lot.

Normally I’m good with small talk check-out banter. But I guess some days I just don’t care.