Archive for the ‘Scared’ Category

Getting Nervous

June 17, 2010

I have a lot of baking to do in the next week and a half!

Monday is Iron Cupcake, so Sunday afternoon and evening will be spent baking and decorating 12 dozen mini cupcakes!

Tuesday evening I will be baking a few cupcakes to take to my friend when I go to visit her new baby on Wednesday.

Saturday I am baking 10 dozen (full size) cupcakes for the wedding of two friends. This will be started on Thursday evening. I’m nervous about this because, even though the flavors are going to be simple, I have no idea about the logistics of baking 10 dozen cupcakes! I feel like it won’t be that hard, but a couple of weeks ago I baked 5 dozen, and it took me well over 8 hours to do all the baking and decorating.

The decorating on those 5 dozen, however, was a little more complicated. But cute! Check these out:

Fortunately I just have to make these 10 dozen look pretty. Swirly frosting, maybe some sugar pearls, but nothing as intense as marzipan ladybugs!

Then, of course, after the cupcakes are done I have to find the energy to party at the wedding! I hope I can do that, because it is sure to be a fun tonight.

I’m nervous because this is a lot of baking! I was hoping to spend most of the week prepping. Cleaning my kitchen, getting all my supplies purchased and in order and ready to go. Now I’ll have to do that a little quicker than planned. I will post pictures when it’s all done. And maybe of the tornado that sweeps through my kitchen.

In other news, David and I are trying to plan our wedding. BUT we’re so confused by all the options! Right now we’re not even sure WHERE we want to get married- locally, or in Las Vegas.

Las Vegas sounds like FUN, and it would combine a honeymoon into one trip. We’d get married on a Friday night, and then spend the weekend in a nice suite. It wouldn’t be eloping, because we would still be inviting a lot of people to join us. But of course, some people won’t, because it is expensive.

That means the biggest pro of the in-town option is that all our family and friends could be there. We’d have a party back in town if we got married in Vegas, but it wouldn’t be the same. Sure, my parents and a few friends would join us in Vegas, but what about people like my grandparents? Vegas hold no particular appeal to them and the airfare would put a huge burden on them. So they wouldn’t be there. Can I handle that? I’m not sure. What about aunts and uncles that have watched me grow up? Will I just ditch them? What about friends who would LOVE to come, but really can’t afford it with their student loans and their rent payments? Is it fair to ask them to come, knowing that it will set them back, or they won’t be able to?

Just because Vegas is fun?

Baking 10 dozen cupcakes is going to be much easier than planning this wedding.

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Money Thoughts

October 14, 2008

I just had two little cavities filled yesterday. And I’ll have to have TWO more appointments for cavities. It was my first time getting a filling, and I’m not looking forward to having it done two more times. I’m getting so sick and tired of having my mouth messed with. I know it has to be done so it doesn’t turn into something worse, but ENOUGH already!! I’ve always had problems with my teeth. I had braces for a long time and had teeth pulled to make room for adult teeth when I was little. Now it involves wisdom teeth and cavities. Fun stuff. Expensive stuff.

David’s birthday is “coming up.” I use quotation marks because my birthday is before his! But as much fun as I like to have for my birthday, I will be happy with a nice dinner and lots of cake. HIS birthday is the big thing. It’s his golden birthday! And we want to do something cool. He’ll be 27 on March 27th. If you’re big on numbers and numerology, that’s turning 27 on 03/27/09. Neato!

So we’ve been discussing what to do. First we were considering a week in Disney World, but are thinking it’s too expensive. So now we’re thinking about a long weekend in Chicago. Rent is coming to Chicago the first weekend of April, and that is when we want to go! We’d go on a Thursday and stay until Sunday. We’d go to a couple of museums and possibly go to a taping of this radio show David loves, Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me.

Between hotels and transport and sights and food (trying to keep it cheap but splurging on one nice meal) it could cost about $950, not including spending money. That is a lot of money. Wow. About half of what Disney could cost, sure, but it’s only for three nights!

Plus we want to do something in Milwaukee on his birthday night. We’re thinking Potawatomi Casino. We could do a reasonable dinner for just the two of us, and then meet up with a bunch of friends for some gambling fun. It would be awesome to go with more than the $50 we have brought in the past. Maybe $100 each? We also have enough time to learn how to play more than slots. I’d love to spend a long time at the gaming tables, maybe playing craps and blackjack.

I feel like I always get special stuff and good presents and that David just takes such great care of me. He deserves an awesome time like this. Like a lot of guys, he’s not big on the birthday stuff, but he is excited about this. And he should be! It’s an exciting birthday and an excuse for a birthday celebration like he has never dreamed of.

He should be getting a decent tax refund, and I am due to get a nice bonus in March (if this economy messes with that, there are not words for how pissed I will be). I have about $500 in a CD that matures in February. So none of this will really have to go on a credit card, which is nice. I just have a mental block about spending all that money in one go, especially when I know it should go towards my credit card debt.

Okay, so here are numbers… we’re optimistically guessing David’s refund to be around $1,000. My bonus should be around $1,200. So if we take his refund and my $500 CD, I could put my whole bonus as a credit card payment, and we could have a $1,500 birthday bonanza. I guess that’s not the end of the world. As long as I don’t daydream about ALL that money ($2,700[!!!!]) going towards my credit cards. But it wouldn’t anyway, because that refund is HIS refund. If he’s putting it all in for birthday fun, the least I can do is contribute the $500.

Okay, I think I just needed to type that all out. It’s still a little scary, but I think it’ll be worth it, right? It means my credit cards won’t be paid off immediately, and maybe that “dream” wedding will be pushed back (though lately, again, I’m considering the whole eloping/destination thing) but I have to find that balance between living in the moment and planning for the future. And I think we could do a lot worse than this.

Am I being stupid with my money? Feel free to tell me if you think so. It’s hard to take a step back from a personal situation like this.

Woes

October 3, 2008

I watched the VP debate with my dental bills spread out before me. I always want to help others, but in times like these, I really need to help myself. I had great respect for Joe Biden when he admitted that assistance to foreign countries could not be as great until we solved our problems at home. This is also why I really respect the Obama/Biden ticket for wanting to end the war quickly and carefully.

I also believe that I will have more money in my pocket under the Obama/Biden tax plan. Is it fair that big companies and people making over $250,000 get taxed a little bit more? No, I honestly can’t say that’s FAIR, but I’ll be perfectly honest… It’s really difficult to have sympathy for those people while I sink deeper into debt and the dream of ever owning a home slips farther away.

I don’t want their money. Rather, I want the money in my pocket that Obama is promising me. I want the regulations on Wall St and I don’t want my employer to pay taxes on my health benefits.

This is really not supposed to be about politics. It’s supposed to be about the money pit I’m in.

I am trying to think about EVERY SINGLE PENNY that I spend now. Last month was a disaster. I drove up to Eau Claire to visit my sister and we drove to the Mall of America. I gave myself about $100 to shop with. I spent $120 on myself. Not bad. Except then I also found Christmas gifts for people and spent another $60. I try not to give myself too hard of a time about that, because if it’s Christmas and if I didn’t spend it now, I’d just spend it later. Oh, and don’t forget about the $60 tank of gas I had to use.

The next weekend we went camping and had a tent disaster in which we had to BUY A NEW TENT. “Only” $30, but still. That Sunday was the Packer game that I went to. $200 for two tickets. It was a great deal, and I had to go. The value of the experience was worth much more than $200, but still… I had to empty out my accounts and David and I lived off my credit card for the next week. And again, with the tank of gas.

These are all things that I would have had money for throughout the year, but the fact that it all happened in two weeks was pretty tough. Still, I feel like I start fresh with each new paycheck, and so far I’ve done pretty well and payed off the extra stuff I put on my credit card.

I got the final crown put on my molar on Monday. So far, so good. My dentist wasn’t worried about it not “working,” and so I’m feeling pretty good about it. Until I added up all the bills. Between the root canal and the crown, the amount I’m responsible for is $760. That is a lot. I mean, A LOT A LOT A LOT. And I have dental implants to look forward to in about 5 years or so.

My dad might be able to help me out, but right now I owe him about $300 for my car and cell phone (David and I just went on his family plan to save money.) So to be fair, it’s a wash. I have already paid about $400 on that dental bill, $200 from my savings and $200 on my credit card.

So now I have another $360 to deal with. It will have to go on my credit card, because my savings is empty. I had been hoping and dreaming about paying off my credit cards by next summer, but now it doesn’t look like that will happen. It is so frustrating, because I just want this debt GONE.

A couple months ago I was feeling good about paying it off and saving for a wedding sometime soon and taking a nice trip for David’s golden birthday. Now I don’t know where I am anymore and it’s frustrating and a little heartbreaking.

I’m trying to take it one day at a time. Do I need that cup of coffee? Why would we pick up dinner when we have a box of Mac & Cheese at home? I guess that’s all I can do right now, and hopefully I’ll be halfway out of this hole again sometime soon.

Whew. <end pity party>

Dreams

September 25, 2008

First off, I’m not going to forget to do this. I was given my second blog award (I am totally lame and forgot to blog about the first one) by Ginesa.

I have to thank her, because if anyone’s blog is encouraging, it’s hers! We found each other, thanks to the internets, and have enjoyed cheering each other on in our weight loss journeys. She is doing GREAT! Not only is she losing weight, but she’s training for a race and doing a kickass job on her runs. Plus she has an adorable daughter who just turned one, and posts pictures often. Yay babies!!

Okay, now that I have remembered to write about that…

I had a dream a couple months ago about a bakery. I’m unclear as to whether I owned it, or was just a customer. It could best be described as a dessert bar. It was decked out in black and pink and had a modern, yet whimsical and a not-too-girly feeling to it. Kind Alice-in-Wonderland-ish. It was in a part of town that was part nightlife/part college area. Although it happened to look just like this street of gay bars that I visited in Thailand.

There were big comfy couches and booths where groups of young adults picked off large trays of gourmet goodies. Fancy versions of youthful desserts like Oreos, Oatmeal Creme Pies, Twinkies, and other treats like cookies and cupcakes. It was like a cafe, where people could come in, hang out, study, work, chat, and eat delicious desserts. Or they could place orders to go. It was cool. And it was open late.

I awoke with the insane urge to open this place.

A couple days after this dream, a coworker talked to me about a thought she had about opening a “Wonka Bar.” She had just seem us perform in “Willy Wonka” and had this idea of opening a bar that served candy-themed drinks. It fit in perfectly with my dessert bar idea. It could be called the “Candy Bar” and could serve all kinds of delicious desserts along with yummy drinks.

Just a couple weeks ago, after dinner with my dad and sister for her 13th birthday, we wanted to go get dessert. I racked my brain for places to get dessert, near downtown. We had just come from a restaurant. We didn’t want to go into another one just to order dessert. Kopp’s custard was far away. We didn’t want to go to a grocery store to get cupcakes and eat them in the car. We settled for gelato from Whole Foods. But eating gelato in a car on the way home was not the perfect way to end the night (though close, because Whole Foods’ gelato is yummy).

I started thinking, does Milwaukee really not have a cool place to go get dessert? Shouldn’t we have one? We have plenty of awesome bakeries, but those require planning and forethought. What if I want to GO OUT for dessert, at 9:00 at night? The closest thing I can think of is at the InterContinental, where you can order up some chocolate truffles or petit fours at $2 a pop. Good, but not quite what I’m looking for.

So now I’ve had this thought, this dream, of opening up a “dessert bar” in Milwaukee. I’m not the best baker, but I would learn. I’m pretty good, and if I had the time, I think I could develop quite a nice talent. But running a bakery? I don’t know… It sounds like a good idea sometimes, but then I think about all the potential problems.

How would I get started? Where would I find money/space? Would I be able to sell stuff? What about equipment? What about health insurance? What about health codes and regulations? What about the potential of financial ruin? What if no one thinks it’s as cool as I do? And so on…

I keep thinking about working towards it, though. Maybe devote my weekends to baking. Learning about it and trying out new recipes. I have a couple friends who own theatres. Maybe they would let me sell some treats on show nights. Maybe I could develop a small following. Maybe I could start a by-order-only business, and then hope for it to grow. Maybe… what if… what about…

I don’t feel like I’m cut out for the 8-5 job that I’m in right now. My creativity is stifeled. I need more. I want more. I deserve more. I wish I could jump into this RIGHT NOW. But I have to step back and think. Maybe I can go to MATC and get my associates business degree. I hear that gives you some good entrepreneurial information, and it wouldn’t take half a lifetime to finish. Maybe in five years, I can really start something. Or maybe in five years I’ll think it’s even more foolish than I do now.

And it’s time for my favorite Disney quote. Belle, from Beauty and the Beast sings,

“I want adventure in the great wide somewhere; I want it more than I can tell. And for once it might be grand to have someone understand, I want so much more than they’ve got planned.”

My Weekend with Photos

August 13, 2008

Another photo post. I meant to do this on Monday. And now it’s Wednesday. I guess my life is just way too busy and exciting to spend on the Internets.

snort

On Friday I went to a party at Sandy’s house. I was lame and sat on the couch and watched the Olympic’s opening ceremonies. Yes, it was long and yes, my butt fell asleep, but it was worth it. It was even more incredible than I had imagined. The footprint fireworks? Awesome!!

Saturday, David and I took his mom to see The Dark Knight (again, for us). It was just as great the second time around. I can’t say it enough. Heath Ledger is incredible. That is the kind of actor I want to be. Except, you know, alive.

After that David and I went to State Fair for some quality Wisconsin and fried food time. After driving around looking for parking for an hour, we arrived just in time to miss the rain. Perfect! We wandered around and people watched and ate yummy foods.

We ate:
Corn Dog
Lamb Sandwich (WI Products Pavilion)
Honey Ice Cream dipped in Chocolate (WI Products) YUMMY!!!!!!
Maple Cotton Candy (WI Products)
Maple Root Beer
Fried Cheese Curds
Milk

Was that it? Wow, now that I write it out, it seems like nothing. I could have eaten a lot more, but my money concern was still in the back of my head. The Maple Cotton Candy was the BEST! It was my treat instead of a cream puff. It lasted me all day. PLUS, some friends tried some. PLUS I ate the last of it the next day! I think it was like, $5. What a deal! Nevermind the fact that it gave me a sugar rush and caused me to accidentally punch my metal shoe rack and shoulder David in the jaw.

The coolest part was the Chinese Acrobats. They were incredible!! They did all kinds of twisted gymnastics. Then they twirled tables on their feet!

Their flexibility and balance was awesome.

And then there was this guy. Talk about frightening! He was a ham and worked for the crowd’s applause. And he deserved it!

Nothing says Wisconsin State Fair like Chinese Acrobats!

Well, except for milk. The Herb Kohl Milk House has long been one of my favorite parts of the fair. They don’t have the buy-one-get-one coupons any more, but at 25 cents a cup, it’s still one of the best deals. I always have to get one of each.

 David had a few sips and then guzzled down the chocolate. My favorite was again, root beer. It’s been my favorite since I was a kid. But I still have to get one of each!!

Afterwards we went over to casa de Chuck and Lisa. We hadn’t seen them all summer! It was late, so we only stayed for a couple hours, but it was nice to catch up for a little bit.

On our way home we decided Taco Bell was a good idea. I’m glad we did, only because we saw something so strange. When we drove by the front, there was a girl in a semi-fancy dress trying to open the door. When we got in the drive thru line, there was this:

This dude was standing in line, between the cars. In a suit. Looking relatively clean cut and semi-sober. I just want to know WHY!??!!! Who was this couple and why are they on 22nd and Wisconsin, in formal dress, without a car, trying to get Taco Bell, at 1:30 in the morning??? So weird!!

While I slept off my food coma the next morning, my mom did a triathlon. Her first one ever. And she ROCKED it! She did the Oshkosh Triathlon and came in THIRD place for her age group. She is so awesome and I couldn’t be happier for her.

She is just incredible. Her first triathlon, and she got a freakin’ trophy!!

Monday morning she left for a week long trip to Rocky Mountain National Park. As I type this, she is probably backpacking in the mountains. Her plan is to hike Longs Peak, the tallest mountain in the park. If weather lets her, I know she can do it. My mom is awesome!!!

Writing this distracted me for a little bit. I leave work at noon today for my probable root canal. I hope my tooth is saveable and that it doesn’t suck too badly!

Pictures

August 7, 2008

 Some pictures from the last couple weeks…

What is it about alcohol that brings out maturity?

Also, alcohol makes me suck at darts. This is the game where you have to get to zero. Guess which player I was!!!

A couple weeks ago, I saw my own FAIL:

Have I mentioned “Clue” yet? I am playing Miss Scarlett when the Warped Cast  shadow cast’s Clue in a couple of months. I’m still new to this, so I’m a little honored to play such a big part.

Miss Scarlet is on the far left of this picture. Her dress hurts my brain when I try to think about making it.

Knee length, low cut, off the shoulder, and TIGHT. Fun…

I found and purchased this pattern. It’s not perfect, and it’s not easy, but I barely sew WITH a pattern. No way was I freestyling this. I think this will serve as a decent base that I can work with. The girl who does Scarlet in the Chicago cast has a PERFECT costume. I would swear to God she stole it from Leslie Ann Warren herself. I don’t think there’s any way mine will be as good, but I will try. It’ll be fun. I just need to start working on it. Like, two weeks ago.

I will not have the 14 inch waist Ms. Warren seems to have in the movie, but I’m looking better. I pulled some old dresses out of my closet and was completely blown away by the fact that they fit. Like, fit better even than when I bought them! Mostly, this red dress. I’ve only worn this once, to a work Christmas party. Two hours into it, I started to get sick. I came down with the worst flu ever. Two days before Christmas. It was awful. But the dress looked great, even though I had to stuff myself into it.

But now… I slipped it on, without even wearing Spanx! The amazing details about this dress… It was bought at Bloomingdales at the Mall of America a few years ago. My mom opened a credit card (to buy Spanx) and we shopped around the whole store. I wanted to look at fancy dresses, and then I saw this dress. ON SALE. I tried it on, and it fit, almost perfectly. With my mom’s credit card discount, the clearance price, and the lack of sales tax at the MOA, it was about $60. From around $400!! That makes it that much better! And now, it fits again. I just need to find a place to wear it. That’s difficult, because it’s pretty fancy and a little scandalous in the neckline. I cut my head off this picture because I was making a funny face.

Speaking of modeling new clothes, I made David do a fashion shoot with me in our new jeans. Thanks to the constant shoot mode on my camera, we made like fashion models and showed off our hot new looks. Kind of.

Playing it cool:

Heroin chic?

Ass-tastic:

Yeah, we’re goofy.

Tonight has been a totally chill night at home. We both needed that. I’m freaked out of my damn mind with this tooth stuff. So I ate a McD’s double cheeseburger and two cookies and a cupcake for dinner. Oh, and a handful of Life cereal. Yeah, soooo not sticking to the diet this week. I’m such an emotional eater sometimes. We watched a whole bunch of episodes of 30 Rock on Netflix’s instant view thing. Then I watched a rerun of Project Runway from last night. Wow, some of those outfits were so hilarious! Good night, huh? It may be lame, but it was the best I could hope for right now.

I need a massage. Or about 40 hours of sleep.

Rambling

August 7, 2008

My house is for sale. It’s not my house, but it’s my home. The house I really grew up in. I’ve lived in several homes, but this was the forever home. I spent almost 10 years here. My youngest sister was born the day we moved in. I went through middle and high school in this house. I still call it home.

And now it has been listed. It might take a while to sell, but it will sell. And then it will never be home again. This hurts in a certain way that reminds me that I told myself I was going to start seeing a therapist to help me through some parental divorce “issues.”

But that costs money.

I’m freaked out of my mind about money. Monday after work, David and I went to the Gap at Mayfair. I decided I finally needed a new pair of jeans, and their sizes seemed to fit well. They had a 20% off offer when you open a Gap card. I figured what the heck, so I opened one. David tried on jeans too. We both got a new pair that look AWESOME. And… mine are a size 14!!!!!!!!!!!! And they fit very comfortably, not tight at all. With the 20% off, I spent $100 on two pairs of jeans, which I think is a good deal. But it’s still $100.

I had a gift card for Envoy at the Ambassador Hotel, so we went there for dinner. We were feeling great, and decided to celebrate David’s show being over, AND the fact that he does not need surgery on his hand. We went overboard on the (absolutely delicious) meal and spent about $70 after the gift card.

On Wednesday we got Chinese food for lunch. We were both feeling a little sick and I was feeling depressed over my dental news. So David bought us Chinese take-out. My fortune cookie said something like, “Now is not the time to overspend. Frugality is important.”

HOLY GOD FREAKING OUT!!! Even my fortune cookie knows that things are about to get bad.

Oh yeah, and Tuesday, instead of going to State Fair, because it was hot and my teeth hurt, I went to Neroli and got a bikini and brow wax. These, combined with my jeans make me feel good, but then I think about how much I spent on it all, and I freak out some more.

Wednesday is my potential root canal. Thursday I have an appointment for a hair cut. I know I won’t have to pay for the root canal up front, and the crown is the expensive part anyway, but this still freaks me out. I’ve been waiting a long time for this cut, and I am planning on going MUCH shorter. Now I’m wondering if I should cancel the damn thing. I’ll probably have stroke face all Thursday anyway from the Novocain. Oh, and since I took TWO days off this week, I’ll have to go to work on Thursday with stroke face. Especially since I’ll have to take another day off for the crown.

I need to scream and cry into a pillow to vent my frustration.

This is very overdramatic, I know, but I’m scared to hope for the best. I so often just think about the worst, and am sometimes pleasantly surprised. But in this case, I don’t even know how to prepare for the worst. Even the BEST scenario still involves upwards of $6,000 within the next 10 years. Maybe I could get insurance to cover SOME of that (because it would be impossible to do a bridge on the left side). But still. I am feeling very down right now. And I think my cell phone bill is overdue as of today. Crap.

Freaking Out

August 7, 2008

I have to have a root canal.

And that’s the BEST case scenario.

I have had problems with my teeth for a long time. I had braces when I was younger and my teeth have always been a little unpredictable. The dentist was trying to shift my lower teeth to the left. I came back for a follow-up appointment a few weeks later, and they had shifted too far. He had never seen that happen, so he had to adjust the braces the other way. I spent a lot of time in that dentist’s chair.

My teeth were always pretty strong. I never had a cavity. But that seems to have changed now. I have a couple tiny cavities now. I’m not too worried about those, and neither is my current dentist.

Her big concern is my broken molar. I have this molar on the left side that is seriously fractured. I’ve known about it and it’s been this way for over a year. It doesn’t cause me much trouble, but I knew something would have to be done about it.

I went to the dentist yesterday and found out some details about my mouth that have me freaking out juuuuust a little. Mostly related to my broken tooth.

Best case: it can be saved by a root canal. I’m going to see a dentist out in Germantown next week. If the remaining tooth is strong enough, he will perform a root canal and my dentist will top it with a permanent crown. With proper care, it will last quite a while.

Monetary cost: $500-$800 depending on my insurance
Emotional cost: HIGH

I’m not scared of the dentist. I don’t mind regular cleanings, even though it can get uncomfortable. I am, however, scared of dental work or anything close to surgery. When I had my wisdom teeth removed, I asked to be completely put under. I guess a root canal is much more minor procedure compared to that, but still… I am already scared as hell. Especially since…

Worst case: They cannot save the tooth. Then we have more problems to consider. I still have two baby teeth. They are the second premolar/bicuspid on each side of my lower jaw. I’ve known this for a long time, but never really knew what would happen with them. This is not uncommon, according to my dentist. She says they still look mostly healthy and with me being young, she’s not concerned about them right now.

Eventually, they will need to come out. They’re baby teeth, and not meant to last my whole life. I guess they’ll start to wither and die, or something. Basically I will need a dental implant. I think a bridge is also a possibility, but my dentist doesn’t like bridges and thinks implants are worth the initial cost. After doing some preliminary research, I understand her reasoning.

SO… if my broken molar cannot be saved, it will have to come out. And since it’s right next to my baby tooth, it would be foolish to make a bridge on a tooth that will have to be removed. So I would get a dental implant there. My dentist recommended that if that’s what they have to do, that baby tooth might as well come out at the same time. And then I would get TWO dental implants.

Monetary cost: HUGE. Insurance doesn’t like to cover dental implants. I could be looking at around $6,000 for both implants.
Emotional cost: Even huge-r.

If this is what happens, I don’t know what I’ll do. I’m about halfway out of my mountain of credit card debt. I’m that much closer to being able to save for a wedding. And now this. I know I live on a very loose budget. I do fun stuff all the time. But even if I really tightened my wallet, it would still take months and months to pay off or save $6,000. That’s about how much credit card debt I have, and it will take me just under a year to pay that off.

If I manage to get by with “just” a root canal, it will wipe out just about all the savings I have right now. That includes the small CD that was the start of my “wedding fund” and the money I put aside for David’s birthday vacation next year.

If that is the way things work out, I’m not totally off the hook with those implants. My baby teeth will need to be dealt with eventually. Probably within the next 10 years. So again, at least around $6,000 for the both of them.

As my dentist told me, “You might as well start saving for them now.”

But… but… in the next 10 years I’d love to go back to school, get married, buy a house, have kids. I know that $6,000 is not that much money, in the grand scheme of things. But right now, to me, it is a fortune. A fortune I was planning on spending on OTHER things.

I love my teeth and I want to take care of them. I believe this implant thing would be money well spent. Meaning, I can’t NOT get them. I don’t want a nasty, rotten mouth. But I’m feeling such a whirlwind of emotions right now with how this could have such a huge impact on my life right now. It’s scary.

David and I are both considering finding and taking on second jobs. I really can’t imagine that existence, but would be willing to handle it for a short period of time. I think I wait to figure out that option until I know the deal with the broken tooth.

So please bear with me as I continue to throw myself a pity party and worry myself sick until my root canal appointment next Wednesday. Then I’ll know how bad it really is.

Hope

May 29, 2008

Lately, I’ve been feeling very scared and nervous for this presidential election. Things like the possibility of McCain getting to chose some Supreme Court judges freak me out. Goodbye Roe v Wade! I used to be okay with McCain’s stance on some issues, but as the campaign has continued, he has moved further to the right to please, it seems, his fellow Republicans.

Reproductive rights are a huge issue to me. See this article for one major reason why I no longer can agree with McCain. While I feel you can still argue the merits of abstinence-only sex education (though I’ll find it laughable), to rule out other options and methods seems ridiculous. Not that abortion should ever be an “option” for birth control, but I do believe that it should be available in a regulated and healthy way.

I have too many major issues this election season to pick just one. The war is a big one too. I really believe that we need to GET OUT. I feel that what we are doing is NOT WORKING. I like Obama’s plan to slowly remove troops and urge Iraq’s leaders to take more responsibility while still addressing the refugee and humanitarian issues.

Healthcare and educationare biggies for me too. David sometimes sees insurances at his work that have $10,000 deductibles. My mom’s cheapie insurance doesn’t even cover all of a preventative visit. But these people have it better than millions of Americans who have nothing. I didn’t have insurance at my last job because it would have been a minimum of $250 per month! I am incredibly lucky to have the insurance I do now. Is Obama’s way the right way to go about it? I’m not certain, but I think it’s something to strive for.

Our educational system right now makes me nervous about having kids. I did okay in school. I even liked school thanks to some great teachers. But what if my kid doesn’t have that? You see so many kids now that seem so developmentally behind based on their age. What kind of adults will they grow up to be? Education is often at the core of who we are and what shapes us into the adults we will be. I believe it is a SHAME that education and teachers are poorly funded and that college costs are astronomical. No Child Left Behind, while good in theory, did not and does not work. Kids need more than standardized test knowledge. We need a change.

Change. And hope. Opponents of Obama say that’s all he talks about. That he’s an idealist. I guess that is the difference between those who support him and those who don’t.  Those of us who do don’t see anything wrong with that. What’s wrong with striving for an ideal solution? What’s wrong with wanting a change for our country? Hoping that we will once again be a country that is respected and admired. I’m not suggesting that those who don’t support Obama DON’T want some of that. But Obama has filled some of us with the hope that it is achievable and the desire to help achieve it. How can that be a bad thing?

David showed me this video last night from the Move On site. I don’t know much about Move On, so I can’t speak at much length about them, but they are a grassroots organizations working for liberal issues. They sponsored a video contest and you can see the results here. But I’d like to share the one that won in the “Funny” category for two reasons. One, it asks when hope became a bad thing. Two, it has Rider Strong whom I still have a crush on from my Boy Meets World days.

We Named The Dog Indiana

May 23, 2008

I saw it last night! The new Indiana Jones movie. I had been hearing rumbles of discontent about the movie, so I went in with lowered expectations. And you know? I enjoyed myself. I thought it was a fun movie. There really were some great moments. I was excited and entertained and it made me laugh. But then it also made me laugh AT it. I never want to laugh AT a movie series that I love so very much. Fortunately, it was not as much of a joke as Star Wars Episode One felt like.

I feel like there were some “jokes” and scenes that were inserted because the writer/director/George Lucas thought it would be FUNNY, but didn’t think how it fit with the feel of the movie or how it would be received by audiences. (Ahem, Jar Jar Binks, cough.) The monkeys really did it for me. And the refrigerator.

Oh, and don’t ask me what the plot was, because I lost that halfway through the movie. But I didn’t really care that much, because it was still fun. Mostly. I am more than a little in love with Harrison Ford, and I think he is still super sexy. I am really liking Shia Labeouf more and more. I thought it was great that they brought back Karen Allen and she looks like a REAL woman! Cate Blanchett is always good, but I can’t really hear a Russian-ish accent without thinking of Boris and Natasha from “Rocky and Bulwinkle.”

Would I see it again? Yeah, probably. But it wasn’t quite the thrill I was hoping for. I may have to watch some of the originals this weekend to remind me of how good it used to be.

In other news, my scale said 188.5 this morning!! Incredible! I am so happy, but I’m also nervous. I plan to start myself on Phase Two this weekend. I think this will be harder than Phase One, because it’s going to involve more planning. On Phase Two, I will begin SLOWLY reintroducing healthy carbs into my diet. Slowly, meaning one serving a day. So if I have oatmeal for breakfast, I can’t have a sandwich for lunch, and pasta for dinner. Also, I’m nervous because my weight loss will slow. The book says you can expect to lose one or two pounds a week on Phase Two. On Phase one, I’m losing around 3 or 4 pounds a week. But as long as I keep seeing another half pound drop every couple of days, I’m hoping I’ll be okay. I decided it’s time to switch phases because I got a great initial loss, and I’m now starting to feel a little bored with the foods I’m allowed to eat. I’m looking forward to adding some foods back, especially fruit.

My dad wrote something nice, though slightly creepy seeming, on my Facebook wall about my weight loss. He talked about watching me walk up some stairs and thinking I looked great, etc. It made me laugh. He’s foreign, what can you do? I also think he was feeling a little shmoopy because he’s leaving the country for two weeks, and that was the last time I’d see him before he left.

He’s leaving for Iran today. I feel butterflies in my stomach. I’m sure everything will be fine. He has his visas in order. But there are so many risks. What if something happens while he’s there? What if he can’t come back? I’m sure he’ll encounter some hassle while he’s travelling, so I hope he packed his bags to be easily searchable! It’s also a little bittersweet, because I wish I was going with him. I want to go to Iran so badly. But all I get to see are pictures. It’s extremely difficult for an American to get a visa for Iran, I guess. Even though I’m the daughter of an Iranian citizen? Apparently. Maybe someday I’ll get to go, but it doesn’t look good any time soon. I wish I could go now, while my grandparents are still alive and healthy. I want to experience their life and culture. Not to mention it’s been a couple years since I’ve seen my grandpa, and much longer for my grandma. But for now, I’ll just wait for pictures of my dad and his brothers having a great time.