Dreams

First off, I’m not going to forget to do this. I was given my second blog award (I am totally lame and forgot to blog about the first one) by Ginesa.

I have to thank her, because if anyone’s blog is encouraging, it’s hers! We found each other, thanks to the internets, and have enjoyed cheering each other on in our weight loss journeys. She is doing GREAT! Not only is she losing weight, but she’s training for a race and doing a kickass job on her runs. Plus she has an adorable daughter who just turned one, and posts pictures often. Yay babies!!

Okay, now that I have remembered to write about that…

I had a dream a couple months ago about a bakery. I’m unclear as to whether I owned it, or was just a customer. It could best be described as a dessert bar. It was decked out in black and pink and had a modern, yet whimsical and a not-too-girly feeling to it. Kind Alice-in-Wonderland-ish. It was in a part of town that was part nightlife/part college area. Although it happened to look just like this street of gay bars that I visited in Thailand.

There were big comfy couches and booths where groups of young adults picked off large trays of gourmet goodies. Fancy versions of youthful desserts like Oreos, Oatmeal Creme Pies, Twinkies, and other treats like cookies and cupcakes. It was like a cafe, where people could come in, hang out, study, work, chat, and eat delicious desserts. Or they could place orders to go. It was cool. And it was open late.

I awoke with the insane urge to open this place.

A couple days after this dream, a coworker talked to me about a thought she had about opening a “Wonka Bar.” She had just seem us perform in “Willy Wonka” and had this idea of opening a bar that served candy-themed drinks. It fit in perfectly with my dessert bar idea. It could be called the “Candy Bar” and could serve all kinds of delicious desserts along with yummy drinks.

Just a couple weeks ago, after dinner with my dad and sister for her 13th birthday, we wanted to go get dessert. I racked my brain for places to get dessert, near downtown. We had just come from a restaurant. We didn’t want to go into another one just to order dessert. Kopp’s custard was far away. We didn’t want to go to a grocery store to get cupcakes and eat them in the car. We settled for gelato from Whole Foods. But eating gelato in a car on the way home was not the perfect way to end the night (though close, because Whole Foods’ gelato is yummy).

I started thinking, does Milwaukee really not have a cool place to go get dessert? Shouldn’t we have one? We have plenty of awesome bakeries, but those require planning and forethought. What if I want to GO OUT for dessert, at 9:00 at night? The closest thing I can think of is at the InterContinental, where you can order up some chocolate truffles or petit fours at $2 a pop. Good, but not quite what I’m looking for.

So now I’ve had this thought, this dream, of opening up a “dessert bar” in Milwaukee. I’m not the best baker, but I would learn. I’m pretty good, and if I had the time, I think I could develop quite a nice talent. But running a bakery? I don’t know… It sounds like a good idea sometimes, but then I think about all the potential problems.

How would I get started? Where would I find money/space? Would I be able to sell stuff? What about equipment? What about health insurance? What about health codes and regulations? What about the potential of financial ruin? What if no one thinks it’s as cool as I do? And so on…

I keep thinking about working towards it, though. Maybe devote my weekends to baking. Learning about it and trying out new recipes. I have a couple friends who own theatres. Maybe they would let me sell some treats on show nights. Maybe I could develop a small following. Maybe I could start a by-order-only business, and then hope for it to grow. Maybe… what if… what about…

I don’t feel like I’m cut out for the 8-5 job that I’m in right now. My creativity is stifeled. I need more. I want more. I deserve more. I wish I could jump into this RIGHT NOW. But I have to step back and think. Maybe I can go to MATC and get my associates business degree. I hear that gives you some good entrepreneurial information, and it wouldn’t take half a lifetime to finish. Maybe in five years, I can really start something. Or maybe in five years I’ll think it’s even more foolish than I do now.

And it’s time for my favorite Disney quote. Belle, from Beauty and the Beast sings,

“I want adventure in the great wide somewhere; I want it more than I can tell. And for once it might be grand to have someone understand, I want so much more than they’ve got planned.”

Exciting Stuff

I am thisclose to getting to go to the Packer game on Sunday. They play the Cowboys. If anything, it should be an exciting game. My coworker’s brother has extra tickets, and I’m getting them, if she can get a hold of him and they’re still left. I’m completely on the edge of my seat about this. I’m trying not to have high hopes, because I got badly burned on some Packer tickets last year. But still, I’m really afraid that I’m going to be disappointed by the end of the day.

And if I’m not? I’ll probably be the happiest girl in the metro area. Even though I’ll pretty much have to eat Ramen Noodles for every meal until my next payday.

David and I are going to see the Brewers play on Wednesday, courtesy of my dad. We will be in the FIRST ROW on the 3rd base side. Hopefully the Brewers can come out of this slump they’ve been in!

I just placed a huge order on Barack Obama’s website. I ordered over 20 of these:

The Obama campaign offices are consistently out of the yard signs, and it was suggested we just order online. In order to make it a little more efficient, and save on costs and energy, I sent out notice to friends and family, asking if they’d like a sign. The response was overwhelming! I also ordered 8 bumper stickers and a couple other items.

There might  be something left over that I can give my youngest sister, as she, at the tender age of 13, likes Obama. It’s cute, and a little surprising since my family rarely talks politics and my parents have voted Republican for the last twenty years. Four years ago, during the Bush vs Kerry race, she decided she liked John Kerry. Where that came from, I have no idea, but that’s what happened. I guess they were doing a mock election to learn about politics in her elementary school, and she made the choice to vote for Kerry. I was shocked, since my parents’ large, prominent yard was host to an equally large, prominent sign for Bush. Her friends parents are mostly republican and so are her friends who, like myself in my teenage years, assume that they have the same views as their parents and choose to copy that. My little sister is so strange, in so many ways, but it’s things like this that give me faith that she’ll grow up to be a strong, healthy, smart person. NOT because she’s a 13-year-old democrat, but because she’s out there, thinking for herself.

And finally, David and I are going camping this weekend! We’re headed to the Kettle Moraine on Friday after work. We both come from major camping families, but this will be the first camping trip either of us have been on in years.  And our first one together. It will be a lot of fun, but it’s a little… interesting. Since we both have done a TON of camping with our families, we have very distinct ideas of what we need and how things should be done. Like his family never used bungee cords, whereas my family would get my dad bungee cords for his birthday! It’s silly little things like that; things that are so ingrained into us, that we can’t help but think that “my way” is the best way. It’s kind of funny when I step back and look at it. We’ve talked about this, and agreed not to kill each other and to just have fun this weekend. It’ll be an adventure, and we’ll be able to just hang out in nature and enjoy each other’s company. I’m so excited for that! Oh, and I’m extra excited to sit in front of a campfire with him while I make myself some s’mores. Only myself, since he doesn’t like s’mores. Who doesn’t like s’mores?!??!!! See what I mean…?

What Is Important

On this, the SEVEN year anniversary of the attack that brought down the twin towers, I can’t help but feel a little different. I can’t help but think about what I’m doing and what is truly important to me.

Also, I still can’t think about that day without losing my breath and tears forming in my eyes. I didn’t know anyone who was injured, or worse, that day, but my heart just breaks for those who were, and the families that are still reeling from the events.

I don’t think I’ll ever forget where I was when I found out, or how that day felt. I remember watching the coverage in the evening, sitting alone at the kitchen table, trying to do my math homework. I remember my mom keeping my (then 6-year old) little sister in the den, with the TV on PBS, because they were running the normal after-school cartoons. I remember feeling lucky and grateful that my dad’s flight to New York City was scheduled to leave at around noon that day, rather than the early morning flights he was usually on. I remember crying, a lot.

I could go on and on, but I won’t. If anything can be gained from this, let it be that the empathy and spirit of Americans can continue, and we can save and use the best parts of ourselves from those days. Patriotism is not liberal or conservative and neither is compassion. It’s human.

Confronted with our mortality, what is important to us? If we were to die tomorrow, would we be happy with what we’ve done and what we have?

I know that I am not ready to leave this earth. I still have a lot of life to live and a lot to figure out, but I do know that I feel confident in what I’m trying to do and where my priorities are.

1. Love
   It wasn’t hard for me to realize that love is the single most important thing to me. And because of this, I am SO happy and SO grateful that I have the most amazing person to love, and to love me back. As long as I have that, life can never be too terrible.
2. Family
   My family is extremely important to me. I’m so happy that we’re all so close. As I grow, I feel their love and support behind me even more. I’m not totally and completely 100% sold on having a family of my own. But I think I will, and the idea really excites me.
3. Career
   Here’s where I’m stuck. I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up! I was foolish for not finishing college when the opportunity was practically handed to me on a silver platter. As a result, I sometimes feel hopeless. I have a good, steady job that pays the bills, but it’s not where I see myself forever. But I don’t know where I see myself forever. I love theater, but am slowly coming to terms with the fact that I’m just not good enough to make a living of it out there. That hurts, but I have to be honest and realistic. I love photography and I love baking, but I don’t think I know enough about either to run with the idea at this point in time. Going back to school for a degree in business would be the easiest option, but all I can do with that degree would be to hope to end up somewhere, and doing something, that I love. At 23, I know I have plenty of time to figure things out, but I’m frustrated in not having any great ideas at the moment.
4. Money
   Let’s face it, money is important to most people. I can’t live without money. I would like to have more money. I would like to be able to pay off my debt and go to college and travel and have a wedding and a house and kids… but I would not trade money for any of the first three items on my list, and especially not the first two. As long as I have those, I know I’ll be okay.
5. Cake
   While not a traditional basic need, as long as there is cake in this world, there is good in this world. I speak the truth.

If anything else is gained from the memory of this date, I hope it is that everyone can be reminded of what really matters.

Rambling

My house is for sale. It’s not my house, but it’s my home. The house I really grew up in. I’ve lived in several homes, but this was the forever home. I spent almost 10 years here. My youngest sister was born the day we moved in. I went through middle and high school in this house. I still call it home.

And now it has been listed. It might take a while to sell, but it will sell. And then it will never be home again. This hurts in a certain way that reminds me that I told myself I was going to start seeing a therapist to help me through some parental divorce “issues.”

But that costs money.

I’m freaked out of my mind about money. Monday after work, David and I went to the Gap at Mayfair. I decided I finally needed a new pair of jeans, and their sizes seemed to fit well. They had a 20% off offer when you open a Gap card. I figured what the heck, so I opened one. David tried on jeans too. We both got a new pair that look AWESOME. And… mine are a size 14!!!!!!!!!!!! And they fit very comfortably, not tight at all. With the 20% off, I spent $100 on two pairs of jeans, which I think is a good deal. But it’s still $100.

I had a gift card for Envoy at the Ambassador Hotel, so we went there for dinner. We were feeling great, and decided to celebrate David’s show being over, AND the fact that he does not need surgery on his hand. We went overboard on the (absolutely delicious) meal and spent about $70 after the gift card.

On Wednesday we got Chinese food for lunch. We were both feeling a little sick and I was feeling depressed over my dental news. So David bought us Chinese take-out. My fortune cookie said something like, “Now is not the time to overspend. Frugality is important.”

HOLY GOD FREAKING OUT!!! Even my fortune cookie knows that things are about to get bad.

Oh yeah, and Tuesday, instead of going to State Fair, because it was hot and my teeth hurt, I went to Neroli and got a bikini and brow wax. These, combined with my jeans make me feel good, but then I think about how much I spent on it all, and I freak out some more.

Wednesday is my potential root canal. Thursday I have an appointment for a hair cut. I know I won’t have to pay for the root canal up front, and the crown is the expensive part anyway, but this still freaks me out. I’ve been waiting a long time for this cut, and I am planning on going MUCH shorter. Now I’m wondering if I should cancel the damn thing. I’ll probably have stroke face all Thursday anyway from the Novocain. Oh, and since I took TWO days off this week, I’ll have to go to work on Thursday with stroke face. Especially since I’ll have to take another day off for the crown.

I need to scream and cry into a pillow to vent my frustration.

This is very overdramatic, I know, but I’m scared to hope for the best. I so often just think about the worst, and am sometimes pleasantly surprised. But in this case, I don’t even know how to prepare for the worst. Even the BEST scenario still involves upwards of $6,000 within the next 10 years. Maybe I could get insurance to cover SOME of that (because it would be impossible to do a bridge on the left side). But still. I am feeling very down right now. And I think my cell phone bill is overdue as of today. Crap.

Freaking Out

I have to have a root canal.

And that’s the BEST case scenario.

I have had problems with my teeth for a long time. I had braces when I was younger and my teeth have always been a little unpredictable. The dentist was trying to shift my lower teeth to the left. I came back for a follow-up appointment a few weeks later, and they had shifted too far. He had never seen that happen, so he had to adjust the braces the other way. I spent a lot of time in that dentist’s chair.

My teeth were always pretty strong. I never had a cavity. But that seems to have changed now. I have a couple tiny cavities now. I’m not too worried about those, and neither is my current dentist.

Her big concern is my broken molar. I have this molar on the left side that is seriously fractured. I’ve known about it and it’s been this way for over a year. It doesn’t cause me much trouble, but I knew something would have to be done about it.

I went to the dentist yesterday and found out some details about my mouth that have me freaking out juuuuust a little. Mostly related to my broken tooth.

Best case: it can be saved by a root canal. I’m going to see a dentist out in Germantown next week. If the remaining tooth is strong enough, he will perform a root canal and my dentist will top it with a permanent crown. With proper care, it will last quite a while.

Monetary cost: $500-$800 depending on my insurance
Emotional cost: HIGH

I’m not scared of the dentist. I don’t mind regular cleanings, even though it can get uncomfortable. I am, however, scared of dental work or anything close to surgery. When I had my wisdom teeth removed, I asked to be completely put under. I guess a root canal is much more minor procedure compared to that, but still… I am already scared as hell. Especially since…

Worst case: They cannot save the tooth. Then we have more problems to consider. I still have two baby teeth. They are the second premolar/bicuspid on each side of my lower jaw. I’ve known this for a long time, but never really knew what would happen with them. This is not uncommon, according to my dentist. She says they still look mostly healthy and with me being young, she’s not concerned about them right now.

Eventually, they will need to come out. They’re baby teeth, and not meant to last my whole life. I guess they’ll start to wither and die, or something. Basically I will need a dental implant. I think a bridge is also a possibility, but my dentist doesn’t like bridges and thinks implants are worth the initial cost. After doing some preliminary research, I understand her reasoning.

SO… if my broken molar cannot be saved, it will have to come out. And since it’s right next to my baby tooth, it would be foolish to make a bridge on a tooth that will have to be removed. So I would get a dental implant there. My dentist recommended that if that’s what they have to do, that baby tooth might as well come out at the same time. And then I would get TWO dental implants.

Monetary cost: HUGE. Insurance doesn’t like to cover dental implants. I could be looking at around $6,000 for both implants.
Emotional cost: Even huge-r.

If this is what happens, I don’t know what I’ll do. I’m about halfway out of my mountain of credit card debt. I’m that much closer to being able to save for a wedding. And now this. I know I live on a very loose budget. I do fun stuff all the time. But even if I really tightened my wallet, it would still take months and months to pay off or save $6,000. That’s about how much credit card debt I have, and it will take me just under a year to pay that off.

If I manage to get by with “just” a root canal, it will wipe out just about all the savings I have right now. That includes the small CD that was the start of my “wedding fund” and the money I put aside for David’s birthday vacation next year.

If that is the way things work out, I’m not totally off the hook with those implants. My baby teeth will need to be dealt with eventually. Probably within the next 10 years. So again, at least around $6,000 for the both of them.

As my dentist told me, “You might as well start saving for them now.”

But… but… in the next 10 years I’d love to go back to school, get married, buy a house, have kids. I know that $6,000 is not that much money, in the grand scheme of things. But right now, to me, it is a fortune. A fortune I was planning on spending on OTHER things.

I love my teeth and I want to take care of them. I believe this implant thing would be money well spent. Meaning, I can’t NOT get them. I don’t want a nasty, rotten mouth. But I’m feeling such a whirlwind of emotions right now with how this could have such a huge impact on my life right now. It’s scary.

David and I are both considering finding and taking on second jobs. I really can’t imagine that existence, but would be willing to handle it for a short period of time. I think I wait to figure out that option until I know the deal with the broken tooth.

So please bear with me as I continue to throw myself a pity party and worry myself sick until my root canal appointment next Wednesday. Then I’ll know how bad it really is.

Persian Girls

I just finished this book on my lunch break today.

It was heart-breaking and eye-opening.

One of the critic quotes reads, “Nahid Rachlin’s memoir reads like a novel- suspenseful, vivid, heartbreaking.” I definitely agree with those three adjectives. I didn’t want to put it down. I wanted to find out the whole story and to understand what her current perspectives are.

I did find, however, that it seemed autobiographical almost to a fault. There are some details that are glazed over and some time periods that are ignored. I was left wanting to learn even more. Of course, that would have made the book three times as long, I’m sure. The way it is written, and the story she tells, makes me trust her facts and opinions. It doesn’t seem like she made up any details to replace things that she didn’t know or remember. I can respect that very much.

To that effect, the reader is left only with what the author knows. And it’s unfinished in some ways. The final line of the book almost sent tears down my face. Somehow, after everything she went through, she was strong enough to write truthfully about her life.

What was personally interesting to me, was comparing the timeline of events to what I know of my father’s life. Nahid (I feel like she’s my friend after reading this, so we’re on a first-name basis now.) is older than my dad, but as she recalls events, I can try imagine where he was in his life at that time.

I don’t know how my grandparents did it, but it seems like they sent my dad and is brother to the US in the nick of time. The Iranian revolution happened in 1979 and it was right around that time that he came to the US. As the revolution continued, travel and communication between the US and Iran was nearly impossible. My dad was in high school during the hostage crisis in 1979-1981. In his first year there (in Adam’s Friendship, WI) he says he was a novelty. He was elected as homecoming king! But then things got very tense. The hostages were held for over a year and between hearing my dad’s stories and reading this book, things were not very good or easy for Iranians in the US at this time.

Another critic quote that I found to be accurate was this, “Hers is one of the voices that must be heard if Iranians and Americans are ever to understand each other.”Oh, this one gets me. Iranians are not bad people. Just as Americans are not bad people. But does each culture have some evil wackjobs? YES!

Her story starts in the 1950s. She talks about Iran oil and how people from other countries worked in refineries and other jobs. Most of them were American or British. The Shah at the time wanted to be modern and Westernized, but this caused a backlash among Iranian citizens. And I can’t really blame them. Americans and British were taking over jobs and money that an Iranian could work and earn. Earlier, Americans and British helped create a government police force that put the Shah into power and helped keep him there. They would execute those who dared speak out against him, and that kept getting worse as they gained more and more power.

In 1979 Khomeini took power and pulled Iran back into it’s religious roots. It seems to me that he got rid of all the good things the Shah did (like women’s rights, more religious freedom) and expanded on the bad (state controlled media, increased police power). No one Nahid talked to in the book was happy. They talked in hushed tones about how the current situation wasn’t what they fought and hoped for.

The government still presses down on people in Iran. They have the so-called “Moral Police.” If a man and woman are walking hand-in-hand, it is well within their rights to stop them and demand to see documents proving they are married, for that is the only way that behavior is allowed. It is my belief and understanding that very few people in Iran want to live like that. Times are changing. In my dad’s pictures from his trip to Iran, there are very few women who dare to wear anything but dark colors outside, and they always observe hejab, or the head scarf to cover their hair. But in the privacy of their own home, it’s another story. The scarf comes off and the bright, modern clothes shine.

I felt intensely connected to this book. The stories she shares are beautiful, although sometimes a little shocking (especially related to women’s rights and marriage). I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone just looking for a summer read, but I think her perspectives and opinions as an Iranian American are interesting, informative, and invaluable. Maybe now, more than ever.

Hope

Lately, I’ve been feeling very scared and nervous for this presidential election. Things like the possibility of McCain getting to chose some Supreme Court judges freak me out. Goodbye Roe v Wade! I used to be okay with McCain’s stance on some issues, but as the campaign has continued, he has moved further to the right to please, it seems, his fellow Republicans.

Reproductive rights are a huge issue to me. See this article for one major reason why I no longer can agree with McCain. While I feel you can still argue the merits of abstinence-only sex education (though I’ll find it laughable), to rule out other options and methods seems ridiculous. Not that abortion should ever be an “option” for birth control, but I do believe that it should be available in a regulated and healthy way.

I have too many major issues this election season to pick just one. The war is a big one too. I really believe that we need to GET OUT. I feel that what we are doing is NOT WORKING. I like Obama’s plan to slowly remove troops and urge Iraq’s leaders to take more responsibility while still addressing the refugee and humanitarian issues.

Healthcare and educationare biggies for me too. David sometimes sees insurances at his work that have $10,000 deductibles. My mom’s cheapie insurance doesn’t even cover all of a preventative visit. But these people have it better than millions of Americans who have nothing. I didn’t have insurance at my last job because it would have been a minimum of $250 per month! I am incredibly lucky to have the insurance I do now. Is Obama’s way the right way to go about it? I’m not certain, but I think it’s something to strive for.

Our educational system right now makes me nervous about having kids. I did okay in school. I even liked school thanks to some great teachers. But what if my kid doesn’t have that? You see so many kids now that seem so developmentally behind based on their age. What kind of adults will they grow up to be? Education is often at the core of who we are and what shapes us into the adults we will be. I believe it is a SHAME that education and teachers are poorly funded and that college costs are astronomical. No Child Left Behind, while good in theory, did not and does not work. Kids need more than standardized test knowledge. We need a change.

Change. And hope. Opponents of Obama say that’s all he talks about. That he’s an idealist. I guess that is the difference between those who support him and those who don’t.  Those of us who do don’t see anything wrong with that. What’s wrong with striving for an ideal solution? What’s wrong with wanting a change for our country? Hoping that we will once again be a country that is respected and admired. I’m not suggesting that those who don’t support Obama DON’T want some of that. But Obama has filled some of us with the hope that it is achievable and the desire to help achieve it. How can that be a bad thing?

David showed me this video last night from the Move On site. I don’t know much about Move On, so I can’t speak at much length about them, but they are a grassroots organizations working for liberal issues. They sponsored a video contest and you can see the results here. But I’d like to share the one that won in the “Funny” category for two reasons. One, it asks when hope became a bad thing. Two, it has Rider Strong whom I still have a crush on from my Boy Meets World days.

Planning For Life

At 23 years old, I often feel like I should have more of a purpose, direction, or plan. I know that 23 is still pretty young, but it won’t last forever, and there’s still so much I want to do. I’ve touched on this theme before, but it’s weighing on my mind again.

I work full time. I don’t love it, but I don’t hate it (usually). I took a break from theater to get my house in order, and it will get there, slowly but surely. But I feel like there’s so much to do in my LIFE and I don’t know when to do it all.

Here’s some of what I want to do:
– Go back to school and get some kind of degree in something!
– Get married
– Have or adopt kids
– Find a job that I love
– Move somewhere new
– Travel

I have long wanted to work in events. I love acting, but I don’t think that’s where I’m meant to make a living! I love photography, but I don’t know enough to work in that field (yet). Events (or public relations, marketing, etc) seem like the perfect place for me to use my creative AND practical sides. It just so happens that David’s sister feels the same way. In fact, she recently got a great job working events. We have talked a lot about opening our own event-planning business, and I really love the idea.

I would like to at least get my associates degree (if my past credits transfer, it wouldn’t take THAT long) in business. It seems like the program at MATC has a lot of practical courses on starting your own business. That would help both of us out.

The big time thing to me is kids. I think I want them. I’m 99.9999% sure I do. I think David is almost as sure as I am. I don’t know if I want to have my own or adopt. Either way, 30 seems like a deadline there. Sure, I could probably push it to 35 for bio kids. Could I adopt up to 40? Probably, but I don’t know that I’d want to. 30 seems like a good time. Not too old, not too young. I want to be able to keep up with a baby or two! Plus, I’m too selfish with my time right now to even have PETS, let alone kids!!

The “problem” I run into while trying to think about where my life is going and what I should be planning for, is that there are SO many things I want to do before I have kids!!

My degree should definitely be done before kids. I will obviously be married before having kids.

David and I have talked a lot about picking up and moving somewhere. Just for the heck of it! To experience a new city, to start a life together, to get out there and try something new, to go on an adventure! We’ve done a lot of casual browsing, taking “Where Should I Live” quizzes, etc. We’ve thought of Portland OR, Richmond VA, Baltimore MD, and many others. We like the feel of Milwaukee, but want something a little different. Of course, my dream is Chicago or New York, but David doesn’t like the thought of living in those places.

My current obsession is Lexington or Louisville KY. I know, I know… Kentucky??? What am I thinking? Well, my dad recently came back from a road trip where he visited some friends in Louisville. He could not stop raving about how nice of a city it is. He literally said “I want to move there!” I could barely take him seriously. I mean, it’s Kentucky! But after seeing pictures and browsing the Wikipedia and Craigslist pages, it doesn’t look that bad. They’re on a similar scale as Milwaukee. They’re not TOO far from home (Lexington is about 8 hours from Milwaukee). They are affordable and plenty of major corporations call one of those cities home. They’re safe. They have tons of art and history and culture. They both have summer festivals. And lots of theater. They look pretty good! Don’t believe me? Read their Wikipedia pages (linked above).

Ideally, we’d like to try out a new city for maybe a year or two. If we like it, we stay. If not, we move back to Milwaukee. I want to do this before we have kids for many reasons. But after we’re married. But then what does that say for the hopes of an event planning businesss?

I was thinking about going back to school in the fall. But how will that affect my debt-free goal? They say that student-loan debt is “good debt” and hopefully with a degree, I’d be able to get a job that pays more than my current one. But still. I am really against owing ANYTHING right now, and I don’t want to think about making more payments to anyone.

Also, how am I supposed to justify saving up buttloads of money for a wedding, when that money COULD be going to student loans? Argghh!

If money didn’t get in the way, I’d go back to school in the fall. At most, I’d be done in two years. At that point I’d get or be married. We’d take a kick-ass honeymoon somewhere exotic. Then we’d look for a job in the city of our choice, and move there for about two years. At this point it would be 2012 and I would be around 28. Perfect time to settle down in Milwaukee and do the kid-thing (close to family aka built-in-babysitters). Having kids seems like the ideal time to kick start a home business.

Even if I don’t start that plan for another year, to save money, or what not, I’ll be around 29 when I’m ready for settling down/kid time. That’s not too bad. I’ve thought that my life might be over once I have kids, but I don’t think that has to be the case. I’m sure my mom or David’s sister would be willing to baby sit while we went on vacation. And when they’re older, they could come along.

This is all pretty overwhelming. I like to live in the moment and be spontaneous. I don’t want to plan everything out. But I also don’t want to turn 30 and feel trapped or feel like I didn’t do anything with my young years or like my dreams of adventure can’t be achieved.

 

Motivation

I have quite the motivation problem. I don’t really know where it came from. But it sucks. It’s not like I sit at home and do nothing all the time… but sometimes I do! And sometimes that really is all I want to do! I think it comes from being so heavily involved in theater for the last few years. When almost every night is involved in rehearsals or performances, I tend to want to collapse into a ball of nothingness when it’s all over. I usually don’t have a problem doing things I want to do. Just the things I need to do.

Right now, this is causing a major battle with my apartment. It is messy, and dirty, and it makes me angry. But after a long day at work, it is SO difficult to work up the motivation to deal with it.

The problem is that we started off on the wrong foot. We live in the upper flat of a duplex where David and his family lived for many years. For the last handful of years, David’s dad lived in the upper, and his mom in the lower (they were all but divorced, but he stayed close to help with her medical needs.) Long story short, his dad decided to buy a foreclosed house/duplex down the street. He offered us his old apartment for a nice rental discount, providing we take care of basic house stuff.

So that’s where my living situation came from. We have a beautiful three bedroom duplex with a kitchen, dining room, and living room! It’s way more space than we needed. The house that David’s dad bought needed a lot of work, so although he moved in, he was working on renovating much of the house, including the foundation. So he didn’t need and didn’t have room for all of his stuff. So we moved it all into the front bedroom at our place.

We had moved in during a show (Grand Hotel) and during the hottest weekend of the year! There wasn’t much time for cleaning the place between David’s dad moving out and us moving in. Then, we stupidly decided to have a cast party/housewarming party ONE WEEK after we moved in. This was dumb. DUMB! We tried to get unpacked, but it just wasn’t going to happen. We put non-essential boxes and junk in the front bedroom and closed the door. We bought a ton of booze and food, and threw the party.

It was a great party, everyone had fun. But we were just never motivated then to go through the boxes and junk that had been shoved behind that bedroom door. Worse- we added to it! We never got the chance to really deep clean the apartment. Instead, it has felt like we’ve been living in a little bit of limbo. We plan to stay here for a long time, so this spring I am trying to really make it ours.

That means deep cleaning. And unpacking. And organizing. And uncluttering. And decorating. I’d love to be painting by June. That’s our goal. We are not in any major plays right now, so it should be attainable.

Last night I started deep cleaning the kitchen. I am using these spring cleaning checklists as a guide. I work better with a list. I didn’t get much done yesterday, due to a lack of sleep Sunday night. I started washing down the walls. I got one section done, and I washed out one set of cupboards that were not being used. We threw out excess serving utensils (we don’t need two ladles!) and moved our Tupperware containers from the pantry to the cabinets.

I hope to finish washing all the walls I can get to tonight. I don’t know if I’m just not cleaning hard enough, but there seems to be some stains on the walls that are NOT coming off. I hope that’s okay, and we can just paint over it.

I’d also like to finish organizing and cleaning the pantry. It’s nice to have, but we haven’t made the best use of it. Now that we have an extra shelf cleared from the Tupperware, we can spread out our pots and pans to make them more easily accessible. Also, we have many cabinets in there that aren’t being used because they need to be washed. I haven’t done this yet because… there are spider webs! And spider webs usually mean spiders. GROSS!

I’m really bad at organizing. I’m fine with washing dishes, cleaning walls, dusting window blinds, etc. But when it comes to putting things away, I’m at a loss. I like to be organized, but I have too much STUFF. I am trying to be objective and throw things away that I don’t need. This is difficult for me because of theater. You never know when something might come in handy. I could throw out this weird skirt, but what if I could use it for a costume down the road? Or what if that old cell phone could be used as a prop?

I am going to ask myself, “Can I easily buy something similar if I DO need it at some point?” If the answer is yes, I will toss it. If the answer is no, I’ll have a big bin of “theater stuff” for things like costumes and props that can be stored in the attic, NOT laying around my dining room.

I’ve been trying to embark on a cleaning and organizing mission like this for quite some time. I grew up in an orderly home, and I am determined to achieve that for myself!

Dang.

So much for me trying to convince people that my neighborhood is safe because it’s by Marquette High School. I live in this area. I know they think they caught the guy and that dangerous things can happen anywhere. It’s not like I walk around my neighborhood alone all the time. I’m already nervous when I have to leave the house or come home alone in the dark. It’s silly, but I’m scared something could happen before I get into the house or car and lock the door. Quite honestly, though, I would never think twice about walking around by myself in broad daylight.

I used to be pretty foolish about personal safety. When I lived near UWM I’d walk alone all the time, day or night. I’d walk a few blocks to a party or a friend’s house at 10:00 at night. And, dumbest of all, there were a couple summer nights I’d walk to the lakefront. THROUGH Lake Park. Alone. I never thought anything could or would happen. And it didn’t. But now I realize that there is a line between being ignorant and naive, and brave.

But still, I NEVER thought I’d have to watch my back if I chose to walk through my busy, urban neighborhood in the middle of the day.

Arrest in weekend assault, robberies

Milwaukee police have a suspect in custody who investigators believe was responsible for three armed robberies and a sexual assault over the weekend.Public Information Officer Bobby Lindsey reported today that the man is being questioned and more information may be released later today.

The incidents all occurred in an area from N. 27th St. to N. 35th St.; between Clybourn Ave. and Wisconsin Ave.

The man is accused of a string of crimes that occurred on Saturday, starting with a case in which he was riding a dirt bike when he approached a 49-year-old woman and attempted to rob her about 10:45 a.m. He also forced her to a secluded area where police said the woman was assaulted.

At 11:30 a.m., the man attempted to rob a 48-year-old woman. Then at 1:40 p.m., the man robbed a 27-year-old woman who is 8 months pregnant, police said.